Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Petrified Parents

Of course I look at that blog title and all I can think about is when my father used to laugh and say that if my mother died before he did, he was going to put an Indian headdress on her, stick some cigars in her hand and then have her stuffed and shellacked and stand her in the corner like an old cigar store Indian…. wow! I came from some strange stock.

My original intent was to describe how Frank and I feel now that our baby.. our last little progeny, now has a car and knows how to use it.  We were out running errands and pulled up to a 4 way intersection only to see flashing lights and emergency vehicles and what do you think our first thought was?

“Is it Liberty?”

Over reaction? Lack of confidence? Who knows.

I just know that until we could see who it was, we were so tense we would have shattered if you’d touched us.  It’s amazing how impervious and indestructible your children believe they are. And once you are touched by any kind of physical failure, you realize just how fragile life really is. But try to explain that to a 17 year old girl who just got her license!! 

Of course we have rules and try to keep close tabs on where she is, but we aren’t in the car with her and even if we were, we wouldn’t really be able to fix it if she made a bad split second decision. It’s a very difficult line to walk, the one between freedom and restraint. We have always wanted our children to be free thinking individuals capable of being responsible and self dependent citizens who contribute positively to their world.  But at the same time, we try to be responsible adults who allow freedoms incrementally and have definite rules and consequences.  I have to hope we’ve done well by our children and with the last child going through the difficult separation time for both parents and their older teens, I’m realizing that my role as warden is coming to an end and my role of consultant is moving into full swing.

What a strange transition.

Similarly, I’m also starting to learn what it is to be a “couple”. 

After 25 years together (in November) Frank and I are finally given to long stretches of time where it’s only he and I. How odd…and how wonderful! I love my babies… they are my pride and my biggest accomplishment and I must say that my life’s work has turned out 4 astounding adults. But time with Frank, which during those 25 years has sometimes been fleeting, is food for my soul. If you’ve ever seen “The Dark Crystal”, I liken myself to the Skexis and Frank to an Everlasting Gobstopper of a Podling. He’s what rejuvenates me and makes me feel sane and whole, and to have him all to myself is such a joy! Maybe that’s why Daddy wanted to stuff Mom and put her in the corner, he just wanted her to be with him always.

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Carefree Dreaming

I had a rather nice dream last night.  The content was different and I’m not sure you would consider it “nice”, but the feelings I had while in the dream were nice, and I woke up with a smile on my face.

Now since my dreams are always odd… and not so easy to place meaning to at times, I thought I’d post this one and let you guys have at it.

Frank and I were invited into a home, which from the outside was small and plain and not very interesting, but inside was huge and seemingly neverending. There were precious artifacts and antiques all over the place. Expensive rugs, masterpieces of art and sculpture and furniture. The interior of the house was huge and the architecture was lush and extravagent, but beautiful. The family living there said that they had been collecting a long time and had pride in their collection, but weren’t uptight about it.  There were other people in their house as well. It seemed to be a casual and relaxed kind of party. People were lounging around and some people were playing tag amongst all this priceless stuff, but the atmosphere was very funloving and carefree.

I wandered around the house, marvelling at the beauty and artistry all around me. I was invited up to a loft type of bar in the middle of a hall. It was made of grey stone, like it was supposed to be outside. The bar was round and there were tables set on the exterior wall so you could look over the sides and around the hall of art. I sat down and had a beverage and felt really relaxed and happy.

Dave appeared at the to of the steps and said that he needed to talk to me, but it had to be outside.  I said ok and began to follow him down the spiral steps to go out and chat and then went out the back door. Dave was nowhere to be found.

I was on the sidewalk behind the house, and there was a graveyard. I was on the outside of the black metal spiked fence, just kind of looking around and then I noticed people wandering around inside the graveyard on the otherside of the fence. A man stepped up to the fence and began to chat with me. He was very friendly. We talked easily and casually. He was wearing clothing from the 1800’s. Another man joined us.. he was also dressed from a different time, but not far off from the first man.  We were all joking and laughing. Eventually, there were 4 men there talking to me. I felt someone walk up behind me and put their hand on my hip. I knew it was Frank. He smiled at the men and then waved his hand at the guys and we walked away. This interaction was not aggressive or negative. I still felt very carefree and relaxed and happy.

Somehow I got into another house, as if I was on tour or something, and the girl there said that her house used to be a store or saloon or something, because there was something significant about the door between the hall and kitchen. She said it was a 3/4 door, which I’ve never heard  of before.  While walking around her house, I noticed interesting architecture and then noticed there was a golden brocade silk carpet. I took a few steps and slid along this carpet. This was wild fun, so I did it again..laughing the whole time.

At some point between the graveyard and the carpet surfing I had begun to drag around an unusual item. In my hand was a red ribbon and tied to the end of this  5-6 foot length of red ribbon was an industrial sized plastic bottle of ketchup! No idea why I had it dragging along behind me like some kind of pet, but it was. I left the carpet surfing house and was back outside behind  it. I remember looking up at the windows and noticing the architecture of the roof. The fence for the graveyard was to my right and down about a half a block and the houses and roads were all of a very old style but didn’t seem to be old at that time. As I was standing there and admiring the roofline, a couple of younger guys came up to me and started talking about my ketchup bottle. They thought it was awesome and started playing with it. They spun it around, opened it up  and just generally seemed pleased about my bottle of ketchup. I remember saying that I had to go and walked away dragging the bottle behind me and then playing a game where I would swing the bottle in front of me, it would thunk down on the pavement and then I’d walk past it and repeat. I didn’t get very far (I could still see the graveyard and the old house) when I heard rattling. I looked over and saw a horse and wagon coming towards me. The wagon was FULL to overflowing with beautiful objects that I had seen in the first house. The driver told me that my “order was here”. I didn’t understand because I hadn’t ordered anything and had no way to pay for these things. The driver told me that I didn’t have to pay. The people at the first house had noticed the things that I had really liked and packed them up to give me as gifts. I was awed and overjoyed. I woke up feeling good.

Ok all, let the analysis begin…

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

NYC on 9/11

I didn’t plan it this way,  it just kind of happened. Frank had some work to do in NJ and I have a piece of property that has been undergoing renovations in Brooklyn so we decided to do all the business in one trip. Without really consulting the calander for the actual date, we just tried to figure out a day when we were both available and Monday seemed to be it.

Then we realized it was 9/11.  Ok, being the reasonable people we are, we understood that it was the anniversary of a tragic event, but that shouldn’t stop commerce in and around NYC. Not to be insensitive to the event nor the tragic loss of life, but time does trudge on and life continues for those of us still on the top side of the dirt. So, we’ll do our thing and pause on the Brooklyn promenade, directly across from the site and say our own little thing.  Having had a family member lost in a similar way, it’s really all you *can* do.

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Willow and Work

Happy Birthday Willow!!  I hate not being able to spend birthdays and holidays with my girls.. 😦

I have tons of work to do, but that’s ok. It’s a gray day (Ernesto provided that) and I have my music and some tea, so much will be done today!

I have to get over this. I get so nervous and just petrified to meet new people, that I passed on an invitation to hang out with faculty and staff  and meet the new “big wig”.  I prefer the behind the scenes role, but I have to realize that it’s ok to be in front every now and then and not let the fear rule me….I’ll work on that one!