Month: December 2008

I’ve made it back here before another year! Aren’t you proud of me?

It’s dawn and I’m up watching the sunrise while my dog snores at my feet and I’m thinking about all kinds of things before the day gets moving again.

I’m supposed to go “party dress” shopping with Libby. I’m glad I suggested we wait until most people would be back to work to do such a thing, the stores were crowded over the weekend. The only place I went where I didn’t seem to be jostled and bumped into was the book store. Ooohhhh, the book store! I do so love that place. I was lucky enough to get a gift card (my favorite gift) from a student this year and I savored my time poking around and looking for new stuff to stuff my brain with. I picked up a book called, “Dewey” , which is about a poor little cat that was stuffed inside a book return at a library when he was a tiny kitten on the coldest night of that year. Even though he had frostbite the next morning when the librarian found him, he survived and became the towns library cat. Gotta love kitty stories!

I also picked up a book on the Law of Attraction, which is what the book “The Secret” is based on. I looked at that book, but I chose one by Esther and Jerry Hicks called “Ask And It Will Be Given”. Looks pretty interesting and goes along the same lines I’ve believed were true for a long time now about asking for what you want. Gotta be careful about what you ask for though. That old saying is true, “Careful what you ask for, you may get it.”

And, of course, I picked up a trashy romance. Ok, so sue me… I like a bit of fluff and sillyness now and then!

Ok, enough contemplation and gazing out my window, it’s time to get moving and go get some breakfast!

My baby girl, Bess and Piper (Pippy-dog) work with me at my in home office.

9 year old Alec Greven wrote a book on how to get, keep and get over, a girl.
It’s amazing how so much changes and then so much doesn’t.

Damnit, I am a nice person.

As a nice person, with high expectations for myself and others to also be kind and considerate of others, I’m always extremely let down when others do not ascribe to the same high level of caring and concern that I have.

Worse yet, that same “code” (not quite the same as Dexter’s code, but sometimes I wish I could go that route)keeps me from stooping to the level of what some would consider “normal” behavior for someone who has been wronged.

In my world, during shower therapy – long, hot, showers where I daydream about all the coulda-shoulda-woulda’s – I think about all the things I could have said, or should do. Many of these thoughts stick with me for days and I debate the wisdom of the course of action I consider. What would be the ultimate gain? Would I feel better for doing it? Would causing someone else discomfort really make me feel any different? Better? Worse? Do I really think that any action I take will truly be viewed in the manner it was intended? If my point was to educate/elucidate a point, would the dumb-ass be bright enough to even grasp the concept?

Ultimately, the answer is “Probably not.”

Now, do I come to this conclusion because I’m just a weak-willed person who would rather deal with a situation than create one? Am I someone who will allow herself to be the victim instead of becoming the aggressor? Or am I just a nice person who believes that Karma will even everything up in the end anyway, so why put a deficit in my own account?

Last March, the hubby and I joined the gym. It was our 23 wedding anniversary present to one another. We decided we needed to be healthier so we could annoy each other for another 23 years.

We started going regularly and the few pounds hubby had on him melted away.

I was jealous.

I was busting my butt, and really working hard, but no matter what I did, he seemed to do double what I was and was getting better results. grrrr…

Ok, that’s not really a healthy attitude, right? So, I tried to deal with my competitive and comparing nature and just keep going. I started walking, as well, and finally, I started seeing some results…. just in time for an injury to stop everything.

Off to the doctor who said to behave myself and figure out when I wanted to take care of my injury. He said it would be a while before I could resume my normal routine. DRATS!! I finally got motivated and into “the groove” and everything…

Then I remembered that I had paid up front for a personal trainer. I called the gym, made the appointment and met with the woman today. She’s so tiny, half my height, but she seemed to know what she was doing. I asked her to get me a routine I could do to work around my injury until it was ‘all better’ and I could then include my other activities into my routine. On Wednesday, I’ll know what she’s got up her tiny little sleeves for me, but GOOD. I want to move, I need to move. I need to peel myself out of my comfy, warm, warren and force myself out into new situations.

Being a rabbit, we really do love calm and cozy and minimal drama/excitement, but that can lead to stagnation as well. So to hell with my nervousness and fears and self doubts about my ability… let this tiny little woman do what she will. I’m ready for a change anyway.