Month: September 2009

What begins, you might ask. Well a few things I guess…

1. Sewer
2. Renovations
3. Chilliness
4. Attitude adjustment
5. The smell of cinnamon everywhere
6. Hibernation

Let’s start at the very beginning…. a very good place to start….lol
First off, the county informed me that today I would be without water and sewer for 12 hours, starting at 8 am. It’s now 8:42 and they are nowhere to be seen. The part I am not looking forward to is the smell of the chemical they are using to coat the insides of the pipes. Luckily, I go to work today. Sadly, I have to close up the house to avoid the smell and the cool air just feels so good.

The painters came yesterday and started working on #4’s room. It looks great. I’m really happy with the color. Sometimes blue can be so depressing, but this is a cheery light blue and the white trim and paneling makes it look delicate and inviting. Hubby said it best when he said it was a very classical color. My bathroom is coming along. I need to find someone to install some flooring, but other than that, I think I’ve got a good idea where to get the cabinet and mirror I want for that room. Still a bit stumped on the sink/vanity, but I think that will come to me soon. On Wednesday, I have the painters coming back to finish up the trim work and an estimate for replacing my back deck.

Last night, the temperatures were supposed to dip into the upper 40’s. It was some mighty fine sleeping weather, I’ll say! However, this year, I’ve been loathe to close the windows. The chilly air has felt good for a change, ’cause usually I hate to be cold. It’s almost time to go apple picking at the farm. This is when I miss the kids the most. When we would go to the farm, make crafts, decorate and bake. Sigh… no little kidlets nearby to play with anymore.. 😦 Maybe I’ll volunteer to be a big sister?!

Long ago I had a conversation with someone about attitude adjustment. I’m not negating that depression, negativity and ennui are things that aren’t easily overcome, far from it. Once you sink into that hole, it’s hard to clamber your way out. No, my argument was that  the key to overcoming such things was to adjust your attitude.. your outlook.. on life and life’s experiences. I was told that this concept was impossible. That you couldn’t just wake up one day and flip a switch in your head and decide that you were going to be more positive. Well… actually… yes you can! I still hold true to that thought process. Let’s say you go to a therapist to discuss your feelings. All the therapist does (albeit with years of training and some hard work) is help you adjust your way of seeing things and minor alterations to your point of view. Difficult to see when you are in the throes of dark and negative thoughts, but certainly very attainable if you consciously CHOOSE to change your thought process. And that’s the key, I think. You have to CHOOSE to change.. no one can make the changes for you. It can be hard to think and act differently. We are such creatures of habit. If you can have bad habits, why can’t you have good ones too?

Lately, I’ve been smelling cinnamon EVERYWHERE I go. I’ve come to associate cinnamon with fall and winter so much that I can’t smell it anymore without conjuring up mental images of mugs of warm drinks, fires, apples, colorful leaves and Christmas. I’m not sure if this early (seems early) olfactory assault is good, or bad. I mean sure it extends the season somewhat, but I certainly don’t want to wear it out, either.

As mentioned earlier… I’ve got a strong urge to sleep. I just want to snuggle down in my warm blankets with chill air in my room and rest. But, there is no rest for the wicked, so I’ve been getting up early lately. I find that whether I stay up late or get up early, I really prefer that special quietness of early morning. The down side is that I’m already considering a nap at 8:30 am!

Not me… the guest room.

My youngest is basically out on her own, so I decided to re-do her room. (Isn’t that what all empty nest-ers do?) I’m looking forward to it just being done and crossed off my list, but also to see how it turns out. In fact, all the little painting odds and ends will be done. I hired a company to JUST DO IT!

Hubby and I acquired some gear to go camping in the next few weeks. We each got a lantern and a sleeping bag. It almost felt like “back to school” shopping for some reason. I balked on some of the prices, since we haven’t EVER been camping together and I wanted to see if we were compatible. By this, I mean will I kill him if he snores too loudly and will I be a complete crank the next day if I don’t get any sleep due to all the pesky bugs and night noises. (Gee officer, I don’t know how that pillow got rammed so far up his nose.. I was sleeping the whole time…)

We are planning on going to Gettysburg and wander the fields at night. I’m sure we are trying to scare ourselves silly, but what the hey. As long as I don’t step in a chuck hole and break myself, I’m game.

Hubby and I dug out the tent we bought YEARS ago when all the kidlets were very small  and with the thought of taking them all camping, (lol) and set it up so it could air out. How clever are we to do that on the only day it’s supposed to thunderstorm?? Ok, so now maybe you can see why we’ve never quite done the camping thing?? We are both hoping that the heinous smell that has permeated the tent due to years of moldering in the shed will magically “air out” before we leave. I’m sure that if it doesn’t two things will be guaranteed. 1. No animal would want to come anywhere NEAR our tent and 2. We’d probably be in the market for a new tent.  I think the most this tent has ever seen of camping, at this point, is in our backyard as a sleepover place. Come to think of it, maybe it has done its proper duty.

I had written a blog last night and it’s nowhere to be seen!! WTH?

I spent all that time and it’s just vanished into the cloud… darn it. I hate when that happens. I hate it more that I can’t really remember what I wrote. Now that’s just pathetic. Of course, I wrote it at midnight or something… oh yeah.. now I remember what it was about…. it had to do with Sunday and Monday.. but I can’t remember exactly what.

Oh it sucks to forget now and then.

Got a compliment on my profile pic from my ex of long ago. Said I looked smokin’ hot and that the years hadn’t changed me much. LOL!! I had to explain that my current photo as of today, was from when I was 18 years old!! Duh…. I should have looked exactly like he’d remember me in this photo, since it was the last time I’d seen him, so maybe I don’t feel so bad about forgetting a silly little blog from last night. Let’s just hope this one doesn’t get eated as well!!

I went for my mammogram today. I was encouraged to touch myself regularly.. lol. Imma leave it at that for you goofs.

I’m working late again tonight, but equipment errors have plagued me. Actually, it’s been this way all day. Seems like everything I’ve touched or tried to do has just been… difficult. Hasn’t worn me down tho, I’m still in a good mood!

K, well, guess I should get back to work for a bit before I hit the sack.

OH WAIT!! I remember what I wrote about. It was how Tell Tale games now has Monkey Island in episodic adventures available online. I love Monkey Island. One of the only games I ever played on my computer. (That and Day of the Tentacle) Guybrush Threepwood was my favorite, and who can resist sarcastic swashbuckling adventure?? Surely not me!!

I’ve been watching Torchwood recently and I’ve come to find that one of my favorite things about the show is that the versions I have always have the voice over for BBC TV still on the tail end. So far, I’ve heard some of the most hilarious stuff on there, but this one caught my attention. “The Man Who Eats Badgers”.   WTH??

So of course I had to do a search and found out that indeed, this was a show on a man who picks up, and eats, roadkill. Mostly badgers, but he’s also eaten cats, dogs, rabbits, owls, fox and hedgehog. When asked about his wife, he mentions that she’s a vegetarian (go fig) and that she eats in her room. I think I’d be with her on this point. And before you get all funky on me.. I don’t like to eat much meat already. Cow, Bison, pig or chicken – the acceptable edible mammals- aren’t my favorite meals. I had often wondered if anyone could eat roadkill… mostly the deer you see on the road. (Assuming it was a fresh kill.) But it’s my understanding that there are laws against that in my state.

I tried to attend a birthday party this weekend, but instead was told that my daughter’s car had been hit and was in my front yard. Sadly, Miss Mossy will be taking the road to the dump for parting out here soon. Too bad, she was a good little car. My daughter was fine, but now she has to look for a new car!

I bought a new microwave today. After waiting almost a full year for some kind of  miracle that would fix my old machine, I gave in and bought a new one. I’m hoping it will work well, since it’s just the hubby and me for most meals. Defrosting will sure be easier…. dunno…. I’ll get back to you.

The work season has started and life is busy with paperwork and forms. Eww. I don’t miss that part at all, but I do miss the kids and the interaction with them.

I started the Dr. Who 2 scarf recently. I’m thinking it’ll take me another year to finish… just sayin…..

Today marks the one year anniversary of the death (hibernation?) of my friendship with my once best friend. It was one year ago today that he called me up, told me his girlfriend never wanted to speak to me again and sputtered over reasons when I asked why, saying it was me and the way I was. Somehow that morphed into he and I never speaking either. I was deleted from pages and cut off without so much as a thanks tons, but cya!

Here we are, one year later and his girlfriend and I are speaking regularly and are getting to know one another some. I’ve gotten over the hurt and confusion and the self flagellation, and realized that it’s probably not me that was ever the problem to begin with, but instead it was him, or a combination of the two. That said, it doesn’t mean that this event didn’t give me a reason to review a few things in my life.

Lesson 1: Do unto others…
Most of you should know this thought process and I’ve discussed it before, so there’s no reason to go into that here. No, what I’m talking about is on two levels. First, it was a reminder to me to never treat someone the way I was treated. Except in extreme circumstance, be available to talk to the other person and try to explain, thoroughly and calmly, the situation. Answer questions and let the person know that while my life might be changing, that doesn’t mean I don’t care about them, just that things are different. I have to understand and have the patience to stand by the person who stood by me all those times I needed them and remember their contributions to my life, even if our relationship was changing. People are not disposable. We don’t just toss them out when we are done with them.

Secondly, make sure you are treating your friend like a friend. I’m sure I wasn’t the best person at all times. I’m not perfect either. I feel like I tried to be what I could, but I’m sure I failed at times. I remind myself to make sure I treat my friends with the care and respect they deserve.

Lesson 2: Let it all out…..
For years I buried how I was feeling about things. Sometimes this would result in a rather cold demeanor, if you didn’t know me very well. I learned that it was ok to show some emotion now and then. People always say, “Let it all out….” but when you really do, when you really believe it when they say they want to know how you feel, they don’t always feel comfortable with what you show. I want to make sure I don’t shut people down when they are experiencing something and I want to make sure I don’t shut myself down either. I think there is a limit – like no smashing in windshields with sledgehammers- but a raised voice, a healthy cry or even confusion  and frustration are ok to have now and then. This helps you to work through what you are feeling and allows you to grow from experiencing those emotions.

Lesson 3 Forgiveness…but not forgetting.
I was recently contacted by my first boyfriend. We had been together for 3 years. Having my friend shut down on me affected my self worth. I wondered if I was really such a horrible person to have such a good friend just never speak to me as if I were nothing. I mean, I had to be a horrible person, right? Ok.. I’m a nut. I think it’s all my fault somehow, and I’m learning that aaaaaaaaaaaant, that’s wrong. Anyway, this ex of mine got a hold of me and wrote me a long letter letting me know how happy he was to find me, how happy he was that I was doing well and then he told me how much I had meant to him all those many years ago. That he still held me in a special place and told me what a great person I was. (I broke up with this guy!!?? How could he be saying such things…It wasn’t a pretty break up.) It was the best thing I could have heard right then and there. To know that someone I had hurt by breaking up with him, still cared how I was and still remembered me with deep fondness even after I had hurt him so was like a light bulb going off in my heart and head. THIS was the special person, not me. He was the person who was showing me that even tho someone can hurt someone very close to them, forgiveness and love were not just words to be tossed around lightly, but something that is capable of being done. I can’t thank this guy enough. He helped me understand so much with just one letter and I remembered why I had been with him all that time ago. Thanks, C.

So, tomorrow is the first day of year two and it is what it is. I decided to send a friend request to my old friend to see if maybe we could have a new and different friendship, but I haven’t heard anything yet. I may never hear anything. He always did avoid things he wasn’t the most comfortable with. Maybe he’s just not at the same point I am, and he may never be. As for me, I’m feeling good. I’ve learned some stuff about me, about people and about life. What more could someone ask for?