Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Ultra Conservative

This is not a political post, it’s about my body.

I am ever grateful for this container I am symbiotic with, but we’ve learned a few things about each other as we’ve traversed our time around the sun.

She’s ultra conservative and I’m well, not so much. I like to go, go, go. She wants to sleep. I want to eat, she’s afraid of famine and holds on to all the fuel she can, for as long as she can. I want to use my muscles, she disagrees.

My thoughts are fast… she moves slow. Even her heartbeat is around 54 beats.

I love my body. She’s grudgingly taken us on many adventures and we’ve seen quite a bit together. We’ve walked thousands of miles and are even in harmony now and then, but generally, I want more than she’s willing to give, and if I push her, she lets me know just how displeased she is.

My body is a picky eater. There are things I’d love to try and flavors I can imagine, but she’s a thoroughbred and lets me know when she’s unhappy with what I’ve been giving her.

Sometimes I’m annoyed with this opposition, but then I think of the babies she’s made. The feelings she gives and the things we’ve been through together and I try to soften my expectations and make peace with her. In most of my life, I’ve pushed for perfection…. or what feels like the best…. in just about everything. I realize that I have very high expectations. I should realize that millions would LOVE to have my body. They’d be grateful for my health and strength and ability. But I stubbornly push and expect more at times and for that I probably should take a step back and rethink.

I can race through life, or I can listen to my body and take it all a little slower. The bigger issue is the battle with time. Yep, that third factor in life. What you get done, what you don’t and how much time you have. I fully expect to be 113, and I want to be sure I get there happy and healthy and able to take care of myself. Maybe that’s why she’s so conservative. She’s playing the long game. Smart body. ;0)

Posted in Musings and Mutterings


I got up and worked on a budget that I promptly ignored and bought a room on a cruise that my son has been begging me to go on for the holidays with him. Now, was that irresponsible financially, or did I see the larger picture about money affording me experiences with my son…?

Does it change you opinion if I tell you that I’m going to Miami for a few days before I leave on a back to back cruise with my husband for the two weeks prior to the cruise with my son, meaning that I’m essentially floating around the Caribbean for 3 weeks?

How about if I tell you that earlier this evening I went to the store and got out of my car. When I tried to lock my vehicle it gave me an alarm tone. Occasionally, the car will give alarms for nothing, such as when the little brain has been confused and I’ve had to basically “reboot” the car. This time, though, it knew what it was talking about because somehow I hadn’t TURNED IT OFF. So essentially it was sitting there, RUNNING, the entire time I was in the store shopping for SOCKS. WTF is wrong with me? I hadn’t realized it was still ON….. to be fair, it is a quiet little car. Sheesh!!

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Speedy Delivery

They say you should write what you know. What if you don’t know anything?

Life has been flying by at an alarming rate and I’ve had every intention of getting back in here and writing blogs…. mostly because I *like* doing so. Sure it’s a bit of effort, and finding things to chatter about can be difficult, but I do like to stretch my vocabulary now and then.

For the most part, life has been about figuring out who I am, how I feel, and where I fit these days.

When I left my job, the goal was to spend time taking care of me. That meant that I’d eat a diet that avoided my myriad of food issues, but still was fun to cook and inventive. I can’t say that I’ve done that entirely, but I think I’m getting that more in line recently. It’s hard when you are bouncing around the country to get a routine going for much of anything. Sounds like an excuse, I know, but I think it’s more about creating a plan to cope with changes, which I didn’t set up for myself.

Anyway, back to my initial thought… what do you write if you don’t “know” anything? Boring shit like this, lol!

Recently, I went to my physician and lamented the loss of caffeine since that little bugger and I don’t seem to get along. She suggested I try a prescribed stimulant that might not have the pesky side effects I was experiencing with caffeine. So, bam, zoom… off I went to the pharmacy and voila! I started taking the new med last week and noticed that I had a bad dream that night. Hubby had purchased a house in the neighborhood I grew up in (and would rather not live in again). It was a hideous yellow house and while it was different from the one I grew up in, I was distraught that he’d purchased the place. Far worse was the man who had electronic equipment set up out front and pronounced to me that the place was haunted. When I went into the home it was evident that it needed to be renovated (that’s a whole other nightmare for another blog). One corner of the basement had a bar and items that had belonged to the former owner. I don’t remember how it was accomplished, but eventually we excised the very angry spirit that was living there and while still incredibly unhappy about this house, at least I wasn’t hyperventilating about going inside it any more.

The next night I dreamed I was being chased through the woods by dinosaurs. I appreciate that marketing to small children represent dinosaurs as being cute or friendly, but nothing that big that could possibly eat me or eviscerate me is going to be printed on my PJ’s. Dinos and Godzilla are not on my friends list.

The next night I dreamed a person I knew about 13 years ago contacted me and taunted me about my continued struggle with weight loss. They’ve lost an extraordinary amount of weight and I’m very happy and supportive of that achievement, but having them contact me repeatedly (after literally not talking to them for over a dozen years) just to call me names and make fun of me didn’t create a relaxing restful slumber.

The following night I dreamed I was attending a chorus concert for the first time since I retired. I showed up to find pandemonium and chaos. Parents were wandering about unsure of what to do with their kids. Children were not being supervised and were running willy-nilly around a room. People were getting angry and asking me if I knew what to do and where to go. I jumped right in, making some sort of order from the chaos (feeling exceedingly stressed and distressed by the shambles) and set off to find the person in charge. This concert was at a new venue with multiple buildings on a sprawling campus. I finally found the person in charge in a stone building, far from the venue where the children were. She was with every adult chaperone/volunteer and they were all lounging about or lazing in a chair, sipping wine. When I asked them why they weren’t taking care of things, they said they were told not to and that parents could fend for themselves. Eek! Ok, I know that this one doesn’t seem like a nightmare to YOU, but trust me when I say I woke up breathing hard and sweating from this one!

By this time I decided to look up interactions and side effects of my new prescription and there it was… the answer to my dreams, ha! Vivid nightmares. Tell me about it!

My doctor told me to stop the meds every weekend to give my body a break, so I did. Yesterday was Monday, so I started taking my meds again… guess what…. I had odd dreams again, though I don’t remember them as well as the others.

If you’ve ever read some of my dream posts, you’ll know that I have been having odd dreams for years, so while some people might be freaking out about all the dreaming, it just feels kinda normal to me. I’m hoping tonight’s episode of dreaming is about fluffy kittens or snuggling or eating something delicious.

The next morning…….

It was not. I dreamed about breaking up with my husband after he threw me a party, but didn’t interact with me at all. While I was pleasantly surprised at the party, most of the people, food, music, and activities weren’t the things that I like. So I sat to the side and he had a great time. Near the end I’d finally had enough and told everyone to go home and that I wanted him to leave. Then he kept showing up to things we were both invited to and my heart ached because I knew I missed him, but didn’t want to feel like it didn’t even register to him what I do and don’t like. This dream hits a little too close to home.

I think I’ve now gone through the majority of things that scare/upset/worry me, so maybe tonight will be those fuzzy kittens. I’m just hoping they aren’t rabid or something.