Posted in Musings and Mutterings

What is wrong?

Is it wrong to get annoyed with your child when he calls you to see if it’s “ok to ditch Mother’s Day to go to an Amusement Park?”

Granted, I work on Mother’s Day, so going off to do your own thing doesn’t really irk me. What does irk me is that my 4 grown children, do not plan anything together for their parents. Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries.. nothing. Last year I ended up planning my own birthday breakfast and guess what??? I paid for it, and them, too! They didn’t even think to offer.

WTF? I’ve done parties and given to them and somehow, they haven’t gotten the concept of giving back.

Ok, hold up here. I have one child who on her own has gone out of her way to bring me flowers or send me cards, so this rant is unfair where she is concerned.

I guess the annoyance isn’t really that he wants to go to the amusement park, it was more the total glee he expressed when he thought he was “getting out of” a family event, and my knowledge that not one of them has given a thought to getting together at all. Mom will plan her own holidays.. PHOOEY… Mom will go out with Dad and forget the rest.

Ok, I think I’ve had my petulant rant today. I can stick my lower lip back in and put the smile back on my face. My kids love me and they tell me all the time, so who cares if a card company picked a specific day for them to show they care. They all show it in their own ways and believe me, for as cranky as I sound, they are actually all very expressive.

Sigh… ok. I’ll go and count my blessings now. I have great relationships with my kids who are all good people and are independent and thriving individuals.

What was I cranky about?? I dunno.. I think I forgot.

Love you, Heather, Frank, Sean and Liberty!!

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Two In, Two to Go

Have you ever noticed that you don’t really notice the passage of time now and then? Being so focused on what we have to get done during the day and what is due at some fixed point in the future, sometimes makes us allow the here and now to buzz on by in anticipation of the there and then.

I’ve had my lovely, high fashioned foot wear on for a little over 2 weeks and I have a little over 2 to go, and I KNOW, already, that my gray buddy and I are not going to part ways at that point. I distinctly remember the Dr. saying, “You will be wearing this for longer, the question is just how much longer.”

How do these two statements relate? I have been forced to remember the present through discomfort and inconvenience.

Is it all something I can deal with? OF COURSE! Heck, it’s not like it’s the worst thing in the world to endure, but it is uncomfortable. I walk differently, so my other leg is dealing with the adjusted gait. My heel and calf are constantly pressing up against something, so that the skin and tissue become irritated and today, at 92 degrees, I felt like my leg was in an oven. So even though I’m getting ready for upcoming concerts and our tour, these discomforts are reminding me of now. *Now*, it’s difficult to do certain things. *Now*, I’d like to take this off and SCRATCH. *Now*, I’d like to sleep without dreaming of having a foot encased in concrete.


Today, I went to a bridal party. Because I was clumsy, I stayed put in my chair, or chose to eat my cake standing. Normally, I would have been the person in the farthest corner scoping out the joint, but instead, I had to be kind of “in the way” and I talked to  quite a few nice people. (And managed not to burst into flames or wither away.)

When I got home, I noticed my lilac bush was in full bloom, so I got a vase and went out to collect some blooms. My dog likes to dig little ankle-breaking holes in the backyard, so I had to pick my way carefully to the bush, dodging holes and trying to keep my balance on uneven footing. Because I was so slow, I stood at my lilac bush for longer than I normally would have, smelling the beautiful fragrance and choosing the best blooms. (Yes, it is ironic that I “stopped to smell the flowers”)

On my slow trek back to the house, I saw the neighbors adorable 4 year old daughter inspecting a frog that he had found in the clover. We talked about toad houses and bugs and then his 2 year old bundle of boy came over to tell me, “Bees, Worms, Ants!” and then to race away to collect a large rock to show me. How sweet is that?

Don’t get me wrong.. I’m not enjoying the discomfort that tends  to remind me to slow down and LIVE my life some, but I think I am grateful for the reminder.

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

I Challenged

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And I got defeated!!

Last night Jenny came by for a game of Scrabble. Not just any kind of Scabble, but drunken SUPER Scabble. (because we are such rebels, you know.)

Frank actually whupped BOTH of us, but I was in third (read last) place.

This makes the second time in a row that I’ve been defeated. What gives? I must be distracted or something, because normally, I’m pretty good at this game.

Guess I’m going to have to go for a re-match.

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Boring Blog

Hey! Did anyone else notice the new editor for blog posting? Cool!

This will probably be a boring blog, I’ll warn you right now. I’m tired and stressy and my foot is bugging me and my throat is sore and WHINE, WHINE, WHINE…. I’ll take some cheese with my whine.

I have quite a bit of work to do. That annoying kind of odds-and-ends-that-need-to be-taken-care-of-but-somehow-like-to-play-hide-and-go-seek-in-your-mind-so-that-you-are-busy-doing-stuff-all-day-long,-but-you-never-really-get-done-what-you-set-out-in-the-morning-to-do, kind of work.

On the way back from an appointment, I decided to take myself to Denny’s for my breakfast. Now this is odd. I don’t usually EVER go out to eat by myself, and if I do, it’s to get something to eat in my car. But I felt like living on the edge today, so I went to a restaurant and sat by myself and had some brunch. It was definitely different to not have to focus my attention on one person and to allow my mind to pick up conversations, examine them and then move on.

There was a small boy who played peek a boo with me through the glass divider. That made me smile. The place was packed. There were some gangsta’s in the corner across from me and a large group of elderly gentlemen who were having a church meeting next to me. Flitting back and forth between the two conversations was interesting indeed!

When I finally got here, emails and questions stopped me from doing what I felt needed to be done and then it was time for rehearsal, which bring another set of questions and needs that have to be addressed right away or shortly after returning home.

Needless to say, my head is swimming and the thought of my pillow is looking really good right about now.

This weekend looks like it may be fun, but starting next week it will be nothing but concert prep, concert rehearsals, concert performances. concerts concerts concerts – GAH!!

So, I’m off to bed now and hopefully, I’ll wake up with a clear head and be rip roaring to get all my chores done. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz falling asleep in my chair…lol


Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Is Thrice the Charm?

Gremlins abound!

A while ago I signed up for Verizon FIOS. April 1st to be exact.

Duh. Last time I sign  up for a service on April Fool’s Day. It’s been the gift that keeps on giving!

I was so happy when I signed up. A potential monetary savings, better connectivity and a return to the company my father had worked for his entire life. The sales person was polite and informative and the installation was set to occur a week later…… the first time……..

My house is a newer house in an older neighborhood, so most of the wiring is above ground, but all of my stuff is buried.

I had called Verizon to see if they realized this, since I hadn’t seen anyone come out to mark the utilities. They told me everything was fine and that my tech should be at my home later that week.

He showed up. He looked around. He told me he couldn’t do anything because they hadn’t buried my line yet. Duh.. didn’t I tell them that earlier in the week? Ok, ok.. I understand how this could have occurred. It’s not that big of a deal, so they scheduled a crew to come run a line under the street. Within days I saw people marking the water and electricity and so on. Yay! Progress!

Then a crew showed up and started digging. They ran the wire through my yard and began to dig in the street. It took them all day, but eventually they left and I thought all was well, because I got a phone call asking if I wanted to reschedule my installation for the next week? Sure thing!

That day the rain was pouring down. The second tech began installing the box on the exterior of the house and bringing it inside. Then I heard my name.

I went to see what the problem was and he told me that there still had been no wiring done under the street. My county had come along and halted the digging in the road because the contractor didn’t have a PERMIT!! Yikes.. ok, so what’s next? I was told that the permit should pass on Friday and that the construction company was set to come as soon as the permit passed and would finish the job, with a guarantee that all work would be done by the 19th.

Monday, the 20th, it rained, Tuesday it was glorious and today, it’s off and on rain again. I heard a rumbling outside and thought it must the the installation techs truck. Nope, the construction contractor is back again, digging on both sides of the street. Huh? I thought they were done…

I called the company and got a few people, who all assured me that everything was on schedule. Um. No. This was my third installation and yet again it seems as though the construction is not complete!!

My tech shows up and is a nice man. We chat about cats and such and he goes to check out what the hold up is. Seems they buried the conduit last week, but never pulled the wire through. Sigh. They were trying to find the other end of the conduit but were digging and since it’s been raining, the hole keeps filling with water, making it difficult to find the conduit.

Now I have a supervisor, a construction crew, an installation tech who is late for his second install and still no Fios. In fact, I found it rather ironic that the tech came in to tell me that they finally found the conduit.

6 feet under.

Just like my FIOS… dead! lol

Since the sun is beginning to peek through the clouds, maybe this is the break in the situation and I’ll indeed get my FIOS.


Posted in Musings and Mutterings

This I Understand

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Have you ever met someone or been in a situation, and been truly duped by how sweet and kind or great they are in the beginning, only to slowly find out they are not what they represented themselves to be?  Even though these guys are “cuter than expected” the real thing to remember is that they are still the “army of darkness”.

Words to remember in these troubling times.

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Never Ever Leave Me Alone…

In the sock aisle!!
Yesterday, I had the yearning to go to Tar-jay and get some new socks.
1. I like new socks
2. The boot is driving me nuts when the rubber padding touches my skin. (yes, me and rubber padding.. who didn’t see that coming? Lol)
3. It was raining and dreary and I had lots of work to do, so of course I shopped on my break.
4. Did I mention I like new socks? (oops, lemme wipe up that bit of drool… sorry, sorry, pardon me…)

Today is bright and sunny and so is my LEG!! Much better.

Hubby did find me the Lime green and Neon Pink duct tape at the craft store that I was considering using to help decorate my dreary gray boot, and I did eye some glittering stick on jewels (ooooo SHINY) but so far, I’ve only
invested in some new socks. Luckily, Hubby didn’t beat me when he saw
the bill!!

Hubby- “You only have three more weeks to wear that thing until you go back to the doctor.”

Me – “I know, but he said I’d be wearing it more than just one month! I can’t go around with dull stinky feet!”

Hubby – “We could always get you some long athletic socks..”

Me (Look of horror upon my face) “Eww!! They are so PLAIN!! Besides, I’ll wear these again.”

Hubby- “Those and the 100 other pairs of socks you own?” (he’s not exaggerating. At last count we were up to about 134 pairs – granted about 30 are plain white, so they don’t count!)

Me (grinning) “I wear them!!”

Hubby (sigh of resignation)

I love Hubby!!

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Technical Difficulties

This morning nothing wanted to work, including me!

My mouse refused to mouse. So I beat it and threatened to replace it.
My printer didn’t want to print. So I cursed it and then did the printer repair dance.
My computer objected to being shut down. It was having too much fun jammin’ to Boston and Extreme! So I kicked it and hit the reset button while doing the printer repair dance.
My attention couldn’t focus on my work. So I blogged instead, and took pictures of my new socks and danced the printer repair dance.


Who wants to work when the sun is shining and you have a full cup of coffee anyway?? lol

Posted in Musings and Mutterings


I don’t have a ton of time to write the whole dream, sadly, and maybe I’ll get to it later, but I do actually work and I have to get ready to run here very soon. I just didn’t think I could wait too much longer without losing my dream and my thoughts on it.

For as long as I can remember, bad dreams happened at my parents house. Scary monsters in the basement, natural disasters, ghouls, distress, unhappiness, you get the picture.

After my parents died and I cleaned out the house, sold it, and burned some pictures in a “letting go” ceremony, I started having dreams where I was outside of the house, and then across the street and then on another block. I had a few where people invited me inside, but I always stood outside and declined going in. I stopped having the REALLY bad dreams after that. I still have interesting dreams and some are rather nightmarish, but they don’t ever happen in my parents house anymore and I don’t experience the same kind of abject terror I used to. I was happy that my “nemesis” had been vanquished.

Last night, I had a dream that was confusing and slightly disturbing more than terrifying. I was walking in my old neighborhood, but not near my parents house. I’m currently wearing an Aircast to fix a foot problem, but I dreamed I was wearing plastic bags on my feet. (odd, I know) Anyway, I started up a hill to a house and suddenly I was parking my car in the carport.

My parents do not have a carport, but a person who no longer speaks to me does. Also, his house and my parents house are slightly similar, in that when you walk in the side door, there are steps to the basement in front of you. His kitchen is to the left and the living room is to the right however there is a wall in the way, so you have to walk all the way around through the kitchen/dining room and then into the living room. In my parents house, the kitchen was to the right and the living room was to the left with no wall. You could run the whole circle around their stairwell. This is important in this dream because when I walked into the side door, this house was a combination of the two houses. For simplicity’s sake, we’ll call his house HH and my parent’s house MP.

When I walked in the kitchen was on the left, like HH, but the kitchen was MP’s kitchen. Talk about an odd sensation. Then at times I could see to the right into the living room and others I couldn’t, like the two houses were combating one another for prominence in the dream. When I did see into the living room from where I was standing, I saw fresh drywall, repairs and exposed drywall screws on the wall closest to the carport and a mix between MP furniture and HH old decor, but the walls were a different color. In fact – and this is the really strange part – all the colors in HH were the same colors as in my house, just not in the same places. The doors were new and white and I could see that some renovations were being done, as if construction was on going in this blend of HH and MP.

When I didn’t see into the Living Room, there was an institutional looking bathroom were the wall would have been in HH, and on one glance, filled with people just standing there, and then it would be the blank wall by the door again.

In the kitchen was a man with dark hair who said it was fine for me to be there. I remember feeling very antsy. Not only do I never wish to go into MP again, I never expect to go into HH either. The man with the dark hair (who frequently appears and is always calm and soothing to me in dreams) told me it was ok. That she wasn’t there. Now oddly enough, the night before last, I’d had a dream where the lady of HH and I were sitting and talking pleasantly to one another. There was a dog there and while slightly stiff, it wasn’t as horrible as either one of us had imagined it would be.

Anyway, the man says she’s not there, she’s gone on a trip and that it’s ok for me to be in the house. I have NO IDEA why I was there. The dark haired man left and my husband was there in the MP kitchen situated to the left as in the HH with the MP window and dishwasher where the HH window and dishwasher should have been, but with the HH cabinets. I was sitting at the kitchen table from MP in the HH kitchen. The HH kitchen actually has a bar in it and NO room for a table. This was SO CONFUSING to me that I got even more distressed. I told hubby I wanted to leave, I didn’t want to be there. I went to the refrigerator from HH but in MP kitchen and took out a sock from the freezer and started putting it on. I was having troubles getting the blasted thing on my foot and noticed it was getting dark. I saw lights come up in the carport through the side door and started to panic. I told hubby that someone was home from work. I frantically tried to get my shoe on my foot. I saw MP door open into HH kitchen and then shut again really fast. I told hubby, “He’s calling the cops on us. We didn’t do anything, we were let in and had permission to be there. He’s calling the cops!!” Hubby agreed, but didn’t seem disturbed. I finally tied my shoe, but was in such a state of distress I woke up without leaving.

While looking around at dream meanings, most of this dream makes sense. In fact,the part that makes the least amount of sense, even makes sense.

Lemme ‘splain. When you dream about houses, you are usually dreaming about the status of your self, your psyche, your health and your emotional well being. Since I saw a kitchen, living room, bathroom, door, window, carport and new construction, it basically means that I’ve decided to expunge some old feelings (bathroom), that I’m building and changing (construction) that the blended living rooms of MP, HH and my own home colors with construction going on means that I’m working on resolving emotional hurts from both my parents and friend and forging changes within my life. The fact that I came in the carport means that I’m at the end of a journey. I came into the kitchen, the only place I encounter people I feel secure with and neither of those people were the owners of the houses. Kitchens mean warmth and spiritual nourishment and transformation. I think it’s very important that my spiritual dream guide was in this room. I don’t think I can get away with not believing that I have a spirit or dream guide. I’ve had too many dreams where this one spirit and I interact and I never realize in the dream that it’s them, only after the fact do I realize that he was there again. Always on the fringes, always showing me which way to go.

The part that makes the least amount of sense, but at the same time makes the most amount of sense is that I experienced much emotional hurt and trauma in my parent’s house and fairly recently, I’ve experienced emotional hurt on the same level by my friend. The only other person on the planet, besides my husband, that knew me so well and I trusted, behaved in a fashion much like my parents. Abandonment, rejection and excommunication. I think that is why the two houses are intermingled within each other. The hurts are equally damaging.

I can take heart in the fact that there were plenty of positive clues in this dream that tell me that I’m working through these hurts. I’m sure they will never be totally gone, but if I can build new rooms and put on a fresh coat of paint, I think I’ll be good and whole again!