Month: November 2006

There are days when it feels really good to be alone. You don’t have to be down or disturbed or even in need of a recharge to be happy with an alone day, although this thought seems foreign to my circle of people. They all seem to be highly skeptical of the fact that I could enjoy a day alone. I had/have lots of paperwork to catch up on and some organizing and shopping to do and I didn’t need to worry about anybody else, just me.  I got to listen to whatever music I wanted to and  as loud as I wanted without hearing any complaints. I got to choose whether or not I answered a phone call or email and no one complained when I pondered over which electric cord to by for my light display for 10 full minutes.  I was not called upon to create a meal or even reheat something for someone. The dog and cat DID require some petting time, but that wasn’t so bad.  I am amazed at how quickly my alone day went by, tho.  At least I wasn’t bored!!

The picture above is of my mother. How many vote that I look like her? Not sure why I thought to post a picture of my mom, except that she seemed to be alone a lot of the time, although she didn’t really enjoy it. But when I think of alone, I think of my mom. Isn’t that a little strange?

Off I go to start cooking a feast and ironing tablecloths and napkins, dusting and vacuuming, and so on and so forth and all that lovely stuff only one woman is expected to do by herself so that many others can lie around and stuff themselves with yummy goodness while she dozes in the corner from exhaustion!! 

And so what if my choice of photos doesn’t correlate to my post. She’s just TOO ADORABLE not to put all over my blog!!

I’m sitting here making a grocery list for the big Thanksgiving meal and feeling a bit odd.  When I look at the picture above, I see all the reasons I have to be thankful and yet that first one there, the eldest, she has given me reasons to wonder.

I love her because she’s my child and she’s a bright and sunny person most of the time. I used to sing “you are my sunshine” to her when it was just she and me 26 years ago. At the same time, her choices in this lifetime have exhausted much of my patience and compassion for her at times. How is it you can so thoroughly love someone you are so angry with?

The next one in line is a little foreign to me, since he chooses to align himself with his father. I sang “bicycle built for two” with him. Maybe I knew more about him then I realized at the time. He’s sensitive and loving and noble and honourable.  My strong teddy bear.

The next one is like a busy bee. He rapidly flits from thought to thought, all the while keeping track of all the flowers and making sure he’s collecting as much as he can. Be it information, friends, money, whatever he takes a fancy to.  That doesn’t mean he neglects anything, in fact he’s a very very attentive and busy bee. Strangely, he seemed to love the song “Silent Night”.

And that last one there? She’s still evolving, but if I had to liken her to anything it would be a snapping turtle. She takes her time, comes out of her shell whenever she is good and ready, seems impervious to anything, but is very soft and squishy inside. However, if you poke her or make her mad, she comes out fighting and can do quite a bit of damage. She loved hearing “gingerbread man”.  In fact, she loved just about anything sung to her, and we sang a lot.

My children mean the world to me. They come before anything else, much to my husbands chagrin. (He thought he would top the list!) So how can someone do something so selfish that they would jeopardize having thier babies with them.  I am befuddled. I guess I just have to count my blessings and understand that not everyone thinks the same way that I do and try to accept that.

The girls are gone. I am heartbroken. I have never felt such an ache as this.  I feel sick and angry and impotent and devastated.

Off to SC again. Another day, another court date. This time we add a little surgery and some cancer… not me or my husband, but one of our children.

More when I get back