Posted in Musings and Mutterings

The Art of Miscommunication

What are the hallmarks of a good conversation?

Two people who are truly interested in what the other has to say? Each feeling as though the other has been “heard”? The ability for one to ask a question of the other without the other feeling questioned (attacked)? An experience where both people contributed thoughts, feeling, opinions and ideas freely and openly without fearing that what they’ve said is “wrong”?

If you think that’s the right track, I agree.

But that’s not what’s been going on around my house, even though both of us would like it to be.

In my house there’s been lies which broke trust. There’s been repeated betrayal, which caused suspicion. There’s been assumptions, which lead to the breakdown of communication and the ability for someone else to hear those problems and slide right in to fill the spot.

BTW-intentional or not, that was awfully shitty of you, Theresa Cesario. You may want to refer to the above paragraph about how to have a good conversation and see if you can talk to your husband Craig, instead of mine.

The thing is, there’s also love. There’s true love in my house. Not the false love of a temporary relationship. I know my husband loves me. How? He’s willing to look at himself and be honest about his choices. He’s willing to look to see if the feelings he thought he felt are true. He’s willing to look at the story he was telling himself and realize that much of it was conjecture and ego.

I think we’ve had miscommunication because we are both insanely concerned with not harming the other. We’ve both been walking on eggshells to not “set the other one off”. Today we had a difficult but good conversation and I’m proud of the way he took a step back and looked at things and chose to not be defensive and close down. I’m also proud of the way he’s opening up to tell me more than just how work went and having a “surface” conversation. I think he’s an amazingly bright person and learning how his mind works has always been interesting to me.

I got something in my email today that said you need to act as though you are already where you want, not as if you will eventually be where you want.

Let that sink in. I’m going to.

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Old People Are Hard to Keep Up With

As you may know, I’ve spent some time in Dexter-land (Oregon) visiting my bestie. She’s the manager for a beautiful community perched high atop a hill with expansive ocean views. If you watch HGTV often enough, you’ll hear the term “million dollar view” tossed around fairly often, but that’s common in this community. Let’s just say there is abundance and affluence here.

One of the things Bestie does is arrange social gatherings with this crowd. We go to dinner on Tuesdays, there’s luncheons, wine and cheese parties, a winery tour complete with limo, and byob bocce.  I don’t think there’s any even that a bottle of red isn’t either present, or welcome to. I don’t know how these people can drink so much!!

This evening we had a going away party for someone in the neighborhood and everyone brought bottles of wine to share along with other goodies. The table was groaning under the amount of food they brought, and the wine flowed freely. Everyone ate and chatted and enjoyed themselves. The guests of honor were very sweet people who are moving closer to the kids and hunkering down. I spoke with the gentleman and mentioned that I was considering the same kind of move, and he said he thought it was a wise choice to do. He thought it was a good idea to start resettling a little earlier than later.

I counted a good 15 bottles of wine gone, along with another 5 that were partially empty and 3 that were unopened, a bottle of rum (emptied), some beer (all gone) and a few mixed bevvies that were brought. Again, all gone. Sheesh!! Here I am, at least 15 years younger than they are and it’s impossible to keep up!