What are the hallmarks of a good conversation?
Two people who are truly interested in what the other has to say? Each feeling as though the other has been “heard”? The ability for one to ask a question of the other without the other feeling questioned (attacked)? An experience where both people contributed thoughts, feeling, opinions and ideas freely and openly without fearing that what they’ve said is “wrong”?
If you think that’s the right track, I agree.
But that’s not what’s been going on around my house, even though both of us would like it to be.
In my house there’s been lies which broke trust. There’s been repeated betrayal, which caused suspicion. There’s been assumptions, which lead to the breakdown of communication and the ability for someone else to hear those problems and slide right in to fill the spot.
BTW-intentional or not, that was awfully shitty of you, Theresa Cesario. You may want to refer to the above paragraph about how to have a good conversation and see if you can talk to your husband Craig, instead of mine.
The thing is, there’s also love. There’s true love in my house. Not the false love of a temporary relationship. I know my husband loves me. How? He’s willing to look at himself and be honest about his choices. He’s willing to look to see if the feelings he thought he felt are true. He’s willing to look at the story he was telling himself and realize that much of it was conjecture and ego.
I think we’ve had miscommunication because we are both insanely concerned with not harming the other. We’ve both been walking on eggshells to not “set the other one off”. Today we had a difficult but good conversation and I’m proud of the way he took a step back and looked at things and chose to not be defensive and close down. I’m also proud of the way he’s opening up to tell me more than just how work went and having a “surface” conversation. I think he’s an amazingly bright person and learning how his mind works has always been interesting to me.
I got something in my email today that said you need to act as though you are already where you want, not as if you will eventually be where you want.
Let that sink in. I’m going to.