Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Speedy Delivery

They say you should write what you know. What if you don’t know anything?

Life has been flying by at an alarming rate and I’ve had every intention of getting back in here and writing blogs…. mostly because I *like* doing so. Sure it’s a bit of effort, and finding things to chatter about can be difficult, but I do like to stretch my vocabulary now and then.

For the most part, life has been about figuring out who I am, how I feel, and where I fit these days.

When I left my job, the goal was to spend time taking care of me. That meant that I’d eat a diet that avoided my myriad of food issues, but still was fun to cook and inventive. I can’t say that I’ve done that entirely, but I think I’m getting that more in line recently. It’s hard when you are bouncing around the country to get a routine going for much of anything. Sounds like an excuse, I know, but I think it’s more about creating a plan to cope with changes, which I didn’t set up for myself.

Anyway, back to my initial thought… what do you write if you don’t “know” anything? Boring shit like this, lol!

Recently, I went to my physician and lamented the loss of caffeine since that little bugger and I don’t seem to get along. She suggested I try a prescribed stimulant that might not have the pesky side effects I was experiencing with caffeine. So, bam, zoom… off I went to the pharmacy and voila! I started taking the new med last week and noticed that I had a bad dream that night. Hubby had purchased a house in the neighborhood I grew up in (and would rather not live in again). It was a hideous yellow house and while it was different from the one I grew up in, I was distraught that he’d purchased the place. Far worse was the man who had electronic equipment set up out front and pronounced to me that the place was haunted. When I went into the home it was evident that it needed to be renovated (that’s a whole other nightmare for another blog). One corner of the basement had a bar and items that had belonged to the former owner. I don’t remember how it was accomplished, but eventually we excised the very angry spirit that was living there and while still incredibly unhappy about this house, at least I wasn’t hyperventilating about going inside it any more.

The next night I dreamed I was being chased through the woods by dinosaurs. I appreciate that marketing to small children represent dinosaurs as being cute or friendly, but nothing that big that could possibly eat me or eviscerate me is going to be printed on my PJ’s. Dinos and Godzilla are not on my friends list.

The next night I dreamed a person I knew about 13 years ago contacted me and taunted me about my continued struggle with weight loss. They’ve lost an extraordinary amount of weight and I’m very happy and supportive of that achievement, but having them contact me repeatedly (after literally not talking to them for over a dozen years) just to call me names and make fun of me didn’t create a relaxing restful slumber.

The following night I dreamed I was attending a chorus concert for the first time since I retired. I showed up to find pandemonium and chaos. Parents were wandering about unsure of what to do with their kids. Children were not being supervised and were running willy-nilly around a room. People were getting angry and asking me if I knew what to do and where to go. I jumped right in, making some sort of order from the chaos (feeling exceedingly stressed and distressed by the shambles) and set off to find the person in charge. This concert was at a new venue with multiple buildings on a sprawling campus. I finally found the person in charge in a stone building, far from the venue where the children were. She was with every adult chaperone/volunteer and they were all lounging about or lazing in a chair, sipping wine. When I asked them why they weren’t taking care of things, they said they were told not to and that parents could fend for themselves. Eek! Ok, I know that this one doesn’t seem like a nightmare to YOU, but trust me when I say I woke up breathing hard and sweating from this one!

By this time I decided to look up interactions and side effects of my new prescription and there it was… the answer to my dreams, ha! Vivid nightmares. Tell me about it!

My doctor told me to stop the meds every weekend to give my body a break, so I did. Yesterday was Monday, so I started taking my meds again… guess what…. I had odd dreams again, though I don’t remember them as well as the others.

If you’ve ever read some of my dream posts, you’ll know that I have been having odd dreams for years, so while some people might be freaking out about all the dreaming, it just feels kinda normal to me. I’m hoping tonight’s episode of dreaming is about fluffy kittens or snuggling or eating something delicious.

The next morning…….

It was not. I dreamed about breaking up with my husband after he threw me a party, but didn’t interact with me at all. While I was pleasantly surprised at the party, most of the people, food, music, and activities weren’t the things that I like. So I sat to the side and he had a great time. Near the end I’d finally had enough and told everyone to go home and that I wanted him to leave. Then he kept showing up to things we were both invited to and my heart ached because I knew I missed him, but didn’t want to feel like it didn’t even register to him what I do and don’t like. This dream hits a little too close to home.

I think I’ve now gone through the majority of things that scare/upset/worry me, so maybe tonight will be those fuzzy kittens. I’m just hoping they aren’t rabid or something.


I believe you make your own reality whether good or bad. Thus, my favorite saying is, "Say what you mean and mean what you say."

One thought on “Speedy Delivery

  1. Hello Sharon. Retirement can be a bitch. Some of us slide right in like an old comfy shoe. Others like me still struggle even after 5 years of slackdom. It can be hard big time. Like it or not, for many of us our work was at least some of our identity. It’s the social circles, the professionalism, the recognition, we miss it all even if we don’t realize it.
    So I may have you all wrong and if so sorry for misreading the tea leaves. It’s all for good however. I sense the directionless in you. I believe it won’t last forever. Just keep reminding yourself things will improve. I do that when I’m on a bipolar depression bender. So far, I’ve always been right. It does eventually get better, it always does.
    Anyway, I just hit up Seattle after 6 hours on the road. It’s near freezing and my boat was 42 inside. Still, I love it here. It would be absolutely perfect if I just had my dog Lucy.

    Have a nice week and weekend.



    Sent from my iPhone

Well, Sharon, if you wanna know what I think....

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