Some recent photos of my eldest two grandchildren. I miss them so much.
I got a call from my Aunt today, telling me that my Uncle had passed away on Tuesday and the services were this weekend. I asked her how she was and how he had passed. She was a bit shaky, but went through the story about how he had undergone surgery to remove a nasty polyp and while he did well with the surgery, the stress on his body kicked his dementia up a notch. He had been a bit difficult and was having troubles eating so they were going to give him a feeding tube, but his heart gave out before they could get to it. The polyp was diagnosed as cancerous and so my Aunt and Uncle had been faced with the consequence of going through the advancing stages of cancer or trying to remove the portion of intestine and effectively “nipping it in the bud”. Tough call when you are 92. The worst part of the story is that my Aunt was so very sad and hurt that he didn’t pass away at home, and I can’t be sure she was even with him. That thought just tears me up inside. To have been married and sharing my life with this person for so long and then not being able to say goodbye or more importantly, being there for the person who is passing.
My Uncle John and Aunt Dot have been married for years and years. More than 50 for sure. In many ways they reminded me of myself and Frank. Uncle John was calm and tall and always smiling with apple cheeks and sparkly eyes. Aunt Dot was the manager, you could tell. Aunt Dot is my grandmother’s sister and the only family I have left on my mother’s side. I have one Aunt on my father’s side left as well.
I talked to my sister earlier to discuss plans and who would be attending what and who might want to chip in for flowers, and while we were talking about it, the issue of our brother, John, came up. Ever since my mother passed away, my brother has had nothing good or nice to say about any of his sisters. We can’t really figure out where all this vituperous spewing is coming from, but he’s made sure he’s alienated himself for sure. I designated my older sister to calling him. They had been the closest all those years ago, so maybe the two of them will be able to talk to one another.
So there are my Two Johns, one I remember with fondest thoughts and the other that I find confusing and a bit disturbing with the blatant malevolence he exudes.
I have been searching high and low for a theme that *I* liked. One that had a pleasing color, but didn’t have a transparent background, which makes the text terribly difficult to read. This is it!! I love the cool green and the water droplets… now I feel at home.
My mom had a knack for finding four leaf clovers. She just spotted them with very little effort. She’d be walking along and bend down all of a sudden and there it was, her four leaf clover. She also found change on the ground all the time. I’m not sure if this means she was just lucky, or that she never seemed to look up. Actually, if you knew my mom, it was probably a bit of both.
Down the halls of memory
Feet tripping on words
Words past spoken
People past known
Places past gone
In the deepest recesses of memory
Some things better left forgotten
Some better remembered
Joy, anger and
Some play as a cinematic showcase
Some come in frightening flashes
Sitting on grandma’s knee
Seeing a friend in a pool of blood
Some things better remembered
Some better left forgotten
All in the deepest recesses of memory
Opportunities passed by
Risks taken regardless
Both upsetting and exciting
Looking back, like through the
Windows of a home by a child on a dark street
Can’t stand to see anymore
Make it stop please
Running to the end of the hall
Doors slammin closed as passed
The darkness tries to catch
And encase, strangling
Back against wood breathing heavily
Close the door.