Posted in Musings and Mutterings

A Social Experiment

It didn’t start as an experiment,  but the results were perplexing and interesting.

Hubby and I had stopped by his workplace after normal business hours to pick up something he’d left on Friday. The company’s customer service department consists of about 12 women, which he refers to as “the hen pen”. Every year I send in gifts during the holidays and often I send in goodies when I’m in the mood to bake something.

On this day, I decided to put sticky-notes on each computer monitor with a bright and cheerful greeting to start their Monday morning. Sayings such as “Smile! It’s going to be a great day!” and “Isn’t it nice to know someone loves you?” were distributed throughout the office by a giddy me, who was feeling akin to Tinkerbell busily sprinkling happy fairy dust around.

That night, it snowed.

Monday wasn’t a very happy commute, so I was even more certain my notes would be received and might make someone a bit more chipper after a tense drive in to work.

On Monday evening, I asked Hubby how it went, and he said he hadn’t heard anything about it.

On Thursday evening, he finally asked the ladies to see if anyone had even noticed and found out that after an initial blush of “aww, that was sweet!”, the next thoughts were, “who did this?”.  He said that after they had formed CSI teams to match handwriting to attempt to determine the culprit, they finally degraded into finger-pointing and blame for whomever “would do this to us” or “wanted to pull one over on us”.

W. T. F. ????  Seriously!?

What does this say about the mentality of an office full of women? Yikes!

How could something that was put out with nothing but loving intent and good nature be twisted into something that was wrong and abusive. Does this say that the average person is nothing but suspicious of good intentions and rather than basking in the glow of a happy thought, it’s easier to degrade into accusations and suspicion? Wow.

Dear Universe, THANK YOU for reminding me that

  1.  I love that I work from home.
  2. People need more kindness strewn about like fairy dust.

 

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

On Turning 50

Just before my 50th birthday
Just before my 50th birthday

Here I am, just shy of 50. Not really sure what that means, or if it should mean anything. To many, 50 seems to be a landmark birthday. As if by reaching that certain date, your life will metamorphose into something…. else. Seems that most approach it with dread and desperation, but to me, it’s something else.

To me, I’m pretty certain it’s another opportunity to celebrate me. Sounds a bit egotistical, but hopefully you won’t click away in disgust, and you’ll read further.

I fully expect to be 113 years old. I fully expect to be healthy and mobile and spry and connected. I fully expect to have that glimmer… that gleam… that spark at 113. I’m absolutely positive I’m going to go to the National Archives, see where I signed my name on the time capsule when I was 13, marvel at the tricentennial commemorative junk, have a good burger on my birthday and then turn in for the evening, which will turn into my dirt nap. (Until I decide it’s time to take a romp in this realm again) *No, Jenny, not as a zombie!*  That’s my plan.

Until then, I get to celebrate me another 62 times. Woo hoo! During the celebration of me, I think it’s important to look back over the year and recognize how I’ve grown. Did I take time to let the people in my life know how much I love them and what they mean to me. I may know exactly when my exit is, but that doesn’t mean I know when anyone else will choose to depart. I feel good about my accomplishments, both professionally and personally. I think it’s good to appreciate your experiences. I also believe that it’s a good time to consider some new possibilities and decide just what it is I want to do/learn for the next arbitrarily set amount of time. (since time doesn’t really exist, it’s always arbitrary)

This birthday, I decided to have some friends over to join me in a Spa Day. I’ve hired a masseuse, bought candles that smell fresh and clean, ordered white daisies and white carnations (my favorite flowers) ordered some of my favorite foods and will mix up a punchbowl of my favorite cocktail. I’m really looking forward to it. Not too much, and with my friends, who are more family than not.

I’ve seen butterflies EVERYWHERE this year. I could sit for hours and watch my butterfly bush, but I’ve seen butterflies while out and about, in decor, on clothes….  So, it dawned on me that maybe I should think about this, because when I think about butterflies, like most people, I believe, I think about change. So, what’s changed?

I feel less worried about being alone and spending time with myself.  I’ve found that I don’t need to worry so much about what others think of me, or being accepted, and that the more I like me, the more I’m liked. Phhhh, what’s not to like? It’s interesting how you can see yourself as this totally fucked up insecure and flawed person, while someone else looks at you with admiration and awe – for exactly the same reasons! Instead of denying the things being said to me, I’m choosing to be open and listen. Even if what’s being said about, or to, me isn’t nice. I mean, really, who doesn’t want to hear lovely things, but those ugly things aren’t as easy to listen to, now are they? And I’m accepting that if I want joy, light and happiness in my life, it’s important to focus on joy, light and happiness.

Ultimately, 50 is fine. 50 is great! 50 is almost like a load has been lifted off my shoulders. 50 is friends, fun, carrot cake, fried okra, relaxation, music, love and laughter. Here’s to 50! :0)

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Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Musical Moods

I was listening to a friends music mix today and found myself feeling more and more disturbed. Sometimes their mix is fine, but it does usually carry the same message and tone. Maybe it should be called “Relationship Radio”. Most of the music is about someone who does someone wrong or professing undying love, or how after professing undying love…love dies. Anyway, the majority of it is depressing and the feeling I come away with is angst. Angstidy angst angst angst… Mind you, if you are in the mood for love songs – good and bad love – then that’s the place to go, but there are more days in my world that I choose happy songs.

That’s when I starting thinking about how much listening to music can change your mood. (she says as “Scotland the Brave” on pipes and drums is echoing around her office) See, that immediately makes you either run for cotton for your ears, or you feel perky and patriotic. I don’t think anyone can listen to the tattoo of a marching drum line like that and not think of a parade. Now, I have Symphony no. 4 in G minor floating around my office,  which I find soothing and playful at the same time.

Since songs are catchy melodies that rattle around in our heads and produce a strong emotion in them, then the words that are attached to them – and that we repeatedly sing – are equally important when it comes to influencing your mood and your world. If you are constantly singing about a love gone wrong and feeling torn up inside, what are you telling the world you want? Maybe you’ll get just what you are asking for without realizing you are asking for it so much.

That’s why, after listening for a bit and starting to feel a bit morose on a beautiful sunny day, I opted to go back to my music collection for an attitude adjustment. (Endicott, by King Creole and the Coconuts playing now) Not only is my music widely varied, but it’s mostly happy. Because that’s what I want. To be happy. That’s what I want to sing about and that’s what I think about. I’ll bet most people don’t even think about this and make a conscious choice about lyrics. I wonder what would happen if they did.

In a slightly different vein, but still having to do with music, the concert from our most recent tour of Italy is now up and available. I don’t have an account where I can post the video here, but I can give you the link. www.peabody.jhu.edu/2742  These kids worked very hard on this music, as did the director, and I’m very proud to be a part of an organization that allows them to produce such great music.

(William Shatner and Ben Folds, “Familiar Love” on now! I don’t know who that is in the video, but thought it would be good for you to hear the song) And when I do want a love song, I always have what popped up next on my play list. (Stereo Hearts)

Ok, maudlin feeling is officially gone now!

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Whiny McWhinykins

I didn’t intend to be such a whiny-pooh today, but that’s what I felt like by the end of the day.

Why didn’t this go right? How come she can’t think of it in a different way? When will this be finished. I don’t wanna…how come…blah blah blah…

In fact, I’ve been a bit of a crank for about two weeks. And even though I celebrated my 27th year of marriage last Friday (3/23) I even marred that with some less than lovey-dovey commentary.

So. What do you do when you feel like you’ve been whiny? Well of course you write a blog about being whiny which just feeds into being ever more whiny, right? Or not.

I’m going to sleep soon and before I do, I’m going to give myself a good talking-to. My dreams will be sweet, I’ll wake up refreshed and will feel happy about the fact that I’m in my new home, it’s gorgeous, I have many friends and people I love, my daughter is visiting at the end of the week, my room is shaping up, I’m eating better and life is really good.

Yep. That’s what I’m going to do.