life – Snippets and Tidbits

Teaching Generosity

Posted on November 19, 2025 by Sharon

#4 has a donation box in her office that’s collecting items for children in foster homes. She thought it would be a good way to help her children, M (7) and A (5), learn about giving to those who don’t have families during the holidays. She explained to them what it meant to be in a foster home. She told them we were going to go shopping for other people. Then, we would go donate those items.

When we got into the car, I announced I was going to be shopping for a teenager. The two little faces scrunched up in confusion and asked me why. “Like Mommy said, not everyone has their family during the holiday and often people by toys for smaller people and I want to be sure a teenager got something they like.”, I said.

I could tell they still weren’t sure.

We tumbled out of the car and headed to the store. “M” headed straight for the holiday decorations and sparkly things. We suggested she choose something that a kid can play with all year long. She seemed to see the logic in that and moved on. “A” continued to discuss how he wanted to get a “Jurassic Park” toy as that’s his current focus. They rapidly snatched up items that interested them. That was fine. Then they came to their mother and said, “I want this for Christmas. Can we take a picture for Santa?”

I’m of two minds here. I love that they were willing to wait. They used a photo as a reminder of what they wanted. Yet, they didn’t quite get the point that they were buying items for OTHER people. To them, these people were a phantom. I understand we discussed looking for items they like. So, it seems reasonable that they heard “things you like”. Still, they didn’t really say anything such as, “I really like this and would love it for Christmas.” They didn’t suggest that it would be a good gift for someone else, either! Maybe they just aren’t capable of getting there yet.

Mom was losing her mind. She had hoped this trip would create some warm fuzzies. She wanted the kids to understand the value of generosity. The need to constantly redirect focus and edit choices was a little overwhelming for her. Still, she was trying to make this all work. We did end up with quite a few items in the basket. I found a Wicked T-shirt and some socks, a sketch pad and a sketch kit. I wanted to look further, but my shopping style isn’t as quick as the kids, so I was fine with what I got. We checked out, loaded the car and had to tell “A” that the marble run game he chose was not for him about 20 times.

When we got to her office to drop the items off, the kids went straight for the snack box after helping us haul in all the goodies. Mom wanted a few photos of the kids adding items to the box to mark the occasion. Here you can see the temperature of the event.

They may have gotten the point, but it was hard for them to understand that this was not a shopping trip to curate the gifts they wanted. It’s a start, and that’s a win as far as I am concerned.

The next day, I had errands to run. I was headed into a store at the same time an elderly, stooped and slow gentleman was. With difficulty, he opened the door for me and positioned himself to show he was obviously holding it for me. I was touched, as I always am when people hold the door for you, and thanked him. As I was now ahead of him, I said, “Let me return the favor!” and held the door for him to shuffle through. Midway, he stopped and handed me a Werther’s candy and told me to have a nice day. It was a short and sweet interaction, but it was enough to set my whole day into a better cadence than what it had been.

And the Werther’s, my father’s favorite, made me feel like my dad was saying hello.

Musings and Mutterings

Throwing Away a Life

Posted on December 9, 2016 by Sharon

My mom passed away years ago. Her belongings have been distributed or donated long ago, but her personal items have been living in a trunk at the end of my bed for many years.

I know there are items in there, but had forgotten how much until my Aunt asked me to find a specific photo of my dad for her memoir. Finally, after forgetting far too many times, I took an evening and opened the trunk containing what’s left of my mother’s memories.

I found photos of my mother, from infancy forward, a few photos of my dad (including the requested photo) and lots of photos of my parents and siblings throughout our lives. I found graduation scrolls, dance cards, corsages, yearbooks and love letters from various beaux my mother had, along with a box of letters from my dad. After I’d finished, I looked at the piles strewn about and wondered if I should edit before I put things away again. These memories had lived comfortably in their musty trunk for years, why would I bother this time capsule now?

Sitting there among the boxes I realized how no-one past myself and siblings were really going to care about these photos of my mother’s life, or her graduation scrolls, or her dance cards, and none of us were ever going to care about that stuff nearly half as much as my mom had. My sons and daughters might enjoy having a few photos of Meemaw and Peepaw, as would their cousins, but they weren’t going to want the whole trunk full of memories. I mean, really, who can relate to the dried up corsage, carefully preserved in a plastic bag with the name of the dance and her escort pinned across the top? I’ll admit, it’s interesting to see the care taken, and the aura of history that pervades is tempting to preserve, but it’s really just a 60-year-old crumbling flower when you get right down to it.

So, I decided it was time to edit.

I gathered all the old corsages and looked at them one more time, before carrying them to the trash and setting them into the container. Such care given for something I’m basically throwing away. I did throw away a few other items, but I couldn’t bring myself to throw out too much because the idea settled on me that I was throwing away a life. A lifetime of memories and collections. And even though I know that those things won’t matter to anyone after I’m gone, I still wanted to honor the items.

I’m not finished editing that old trunk, but I’ve also decided it’s time to start editing my own memory legacy. Time to pitch the things you think you need to save, but really don’t, and to organize what really means something to me. I know that when my children are left with the task of “mom’s things” after I’m gone, half of what I’ve saved won’t mean nearly as much to them as it did to me, but isn’t that how the cycle goes? After awhile, my daughter will edit my items and so on and so on.

We never own anything. We just take care of it for a little while.

Musings and Mutterings

No Good Ideas for a Title

Posted on December 31, 2014December 31, 2014 by Sharon

There. That says it all.

I just have no ideas for a catchy, or descriptive, title.

Holiday prep around here used to have a set of guidelines and processes. We’d always gotten out the lights and decorated the house the day after Thanksgiving, and we had usually gotten our tree by the first weekend in December. Those first two weeks in December were the best time to decorate since my daughter’s holiday concert was typically the second weekend in December. The children and I (both my own and the daycare kids I had) would make snowflakes from coffee filters and wrapping paper from paper grocery bags. We’d decorate the house with our “art”. Baking was a scheduled event and one particular CD had to be played every season. Sounds stifled when you read it, but it had a comfort to it. A scheduled, unhurried rhythm that got it all done.

As the children grew, things changed. We expanded our holidays to include our “family of choice” ( meaning our dear friends) and new traditions formed. Those traditions came fairly organically. Now that my children are grown and on their own, and the majority of our family of choice have moved to other states, our traditions have also changed. Just not as organically from my point of view. It’s taken me some introspection to get to where I am.

The first year we lived here we decorated everything. Everything!! Lights were everywhere and it was fun. We had a pretty good crowd of people visiting, so it felt right to be festive.

Last year we did very little. In fact, it was so bad I ended up going to the store at the last-minute and finding paper gift tags to hang on a tree just to say we had one. It was depressing, but we were traveling and I couldn’t justify putting everything up just to leave it while we were visiting our son.

This year, Hubby was too busy to really help, and I’ve come to the conclusion that the more I can do on my own, the better it will all be. To that end, I picked up lights that are easy to put on and decided that I’d take a “less is more’ tact with everything.

I was much happier this year with that. The whole pressure to have a perfect looking home or the perfect cookies or the perfect light display à la Good Housekeeping was trashed. I decorated to please me. Just me. If the kids liked it, then fine. If not, oh well. I bought new decorations and found new places for older things and did whatever I could (when I could) and didn’t beat myself up if it all wasn’t just perfect. I always try to do the best I can, but I didn’t berate myself if the results weren’t magazine photo worthy, especially if I liked them.

P1030334 — No tree is really complete without a cat under it, is it?

I guess the real point here is the evolution of my holiday and decorations in some ways reflects my life. When I was younger, it was all about structure and the children. As the kids began to fly the coop (and we did as well by purchasing a different house) my life was one big transition. Now that everyone has settled in for a bit, my life is … well.. what is it? It’s busier than I thought it would be, and it’s also quieter now and then; I find I have time to do what i want to do.

I supposed the goal for 2015 is to figure out just what I might like to do!