Over the weekend there was a conversation that discussed, among other things, rejection, which no one does well with.
Years ago,RO,(that’s the name I came up with, btw, to describe the person who recently pulled a mental fast one on me)told me my family had really fucked me up. Not that I’m looking to blame my family for everything, but I must say it did set the tone for some other choices. Even though my parents did an excellent job of instilling responsibility and morality in us kids, they also weren’t very lovey-dovey and were sarcastic and critical and didn’t mind telling you all of your flaws.
RO said that was mentally abusive.
Sibings were never emotionally close, no one was in that family, and as time went by, siblings became even farther apart. Parents passed away and siblings descended into the dirty world name calling and choosing sides. All glove were off, the parents were no longer there to hold control. In the end, my brother excommunicated himself from the sisters. Not that the sisters are banded together or anything, he just decided we weren’t his family and up and stopped talking to us. Just cut us off.
RO said he was an asshole.
One sister kept trying to keep the others together.( Can you guess which one?) Frequent attempts to arrange dinners, emails and invitations to parties were made. One sister or the other might attend and it was always just a little too inconvenient to show up. With all that difficulty in trying to put things together, that one sister gave up. In one year, she lost all of her family, or the remnants of what she’d hoped was her family.
RO said that was fucked up and mocked the sisters who couldn’t be bothered.
Fast forward about 6 years. RO meets a girl, CM. RO has been part of my family for almost 2 decades at this point. In my world, I was happy RO had found someone and was looking forward to adding to what I had felt was my family. I was nervous and excited to meet her, since EVERY PHONE CALL she had been friendly and engaging and said kind things. I had hoped I found another friend. Man, was I WRONG!! CM talks to me a few times and decides that she doesn’t like me and never wants to speak to me again and has RO call to tell me this, 1 day before we were all supposed to meet for dinner. RO had also become distant and unfriendly. WTF?
RO had insisted that nothing would ever come between our friendship. I was a fool and believed it.
After that phone call, RO hasn’t spoken to me unless I’ve sent some kind of work related or separation message. (Accounts to be dissolved and such)
So, if my family was mentally abusive, fucked up, and my brother was an asshole, all by not talking to me, rejecting me and not being emotionally involved, then what does that make RO, but yet another brother.