Posted in Musings and Mutterings

A Year Later

Originally written November 7, 2008 11:17 am

A year later (just about) and there are a few things that have changed. It’s still a busy time of the year at work, and the family is good.
My body is responding well to fitness, and then again it’s not, because what began as a small injury has become bothersome and must be dealt with. It’s also stopped my progress and that’s upsetting.

My eldest child is still trying to get her life together. I’m sorry it’s been such a long and difficult journey for her, but I hope she’s finally on the right path. I miss the grandchildren!

I’ve recently experienced some hurtful thngs these past few months. What I had hoped would be a good situation wasn’t, and now a long term friend does not speak to me. It really stinks, and while I’m really happy he’s gotten the things in life that I was telling him he needed and encouraging him to look for, I didn’t expect to be excommunicated and judged the way I was. I have to imagine it was nothing more than fear and insecurities that created the entire situation, and that’s a shame. Still, I’m amazed that my friend let it all come between our friendship, after vowing that nothing ever would, and now I have to wonder why.

I should be sleeping, but for some reason, I’m still awake. I was tired earlier, but then my mind got to churning and here I am, awake. Maybe I’ll join the masses of people who are raving about the book , “Twilight” and go read some more of it. I don’t really see the huge draw for this book so far, but unless it’s EXTREMELY painful to get through, I’ll finish it. It just might take me awhile.

Speaking of awhile, I’ll try to get back in here and blog a bit more. I like the new interface much more than before, and I’ve lost my taste for my Multiply page in some ways. We’ll see.

Posted in chocolate, cookies, dough

The World’s Most Perfect Food

Uncooked chocolate chip cookie dough.

What is it that makes this such a delicacy? Is it the texture? The creaminess with the hard, slightly bitter chocolate bits? Is it the thrill of knowing you are eating raw eggs and living on the edge, just by doing so?

Whatever the elusive draw is, I succumbed to it today. I bought a bucket of cookie dough to make cookies for a party I’m invited to. I know.. I know… why not bake my own from scratch, right? Well, I have in the past, but I’m a bit scrunched for time, so I thought I would use this as a way of helping myself out. And helping myself is what I’ve done. I’ve helped myself to a few spoonfuls of gooey, decadent, raw cookie dough and it was heavenly!

I guess that was my sugar for the day.. so sadly, no TGIF for me tonight. But that’s ok.. it was worth it!

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

My New Brother

Over the weekend there was a conversation that discussed, among other things, rejection, which no one does well with.

Years ago,RO,(that’s the name I came up with, btw, to describe the person who recently pulled a mental fast one on me)told me my family had really fucked me up. Not that I’m looking to blame my family for everything, but I must say it did set the tone for some other choices. Even though my parents did an excellent job of instilling responsibility and morality in us kids, they also weren’t very lovey-dovey and were sarcastic and critical and didn’t mind telling you all of your flaws.

RO said that was mentally abusive.

Sibings were never emotionally close, no one was in that family, and as time went by, siblings became even farther apart. Parents passed away and siblings descended into the dirty world name calling and choosing sides. All glove were off, the parents were no longer there to hold control. In the end, my brother excommunicated himself from the sisters. Not that the sisters are banded together or anything, he just decided we weren’t his family and up and stopped talking to us. Just cut us off.

RO said he was an asshole.

One sister kept trying to keep the others together.( Can you guess which one?) Frequent attempts to arrange dinners, emails and invitations to parties were made. One sister or the other might attend and it was always just a little too inconvenient to show up. With all that difficulty in trying to put things together, that one sister gave up. In one year, she lost all of her family, or the remnants of what she’d hoped was her family.

RO said that was fucked up and mocked the sisters who couldn’t be bothered.

Fast forward about 6 years. RO meets a girl, CM. RO has been part of my family for almost 2 decades at this point. In my world, I was happy RO had found someone and was looking forward to adding to what I had felt was my family. I was nervous and excited to meet her, since EVERY PHONE CALL she had been friendly and engaging and said kind things. I had hoped I found another friend. Man, was I WRONG!! CM talks to me a few times and decides that she doesn’t like me and never wants to speak to me again and has RO call to tell me this, 1 day before we were all supposed to meet for dinner. RO had also become distant and unfriendly. WTF?

RO had insisted that nothing would ever come between our friendship. I was a fool and believed it.

After that phone call, RO hasn’t spoken to me unless I’ve sent some kind of work related or separation message. (Accounts to be dissolved and such)

So, if my family was mentally abusive, fucked up, and my brother was an asshole, all by not talking to me, rejecting me and not being emotionally involved, then what does that make RO, but yet another brother.