Zonin’

I spend a lot of time just staring these days. I catch myself with a fixed and unfocused gaze, looking but not really seeing things. Internally, I feel switched off. Sometimes I am deep in active thought, but mostly I feel as though I’m not really “there”. So, where do I go? Is this a bad thing or is this how I work on maintaining an internal calm? Is this a form of meditation or just going brain-dead for a bit. Am I sleeping while I’m awake or am I just wasting time, or is it a necessary “down time” for processing on a deeper level? This staring occurs at home, when I’m a passenger in a car and sometimes when I’m with people. I almost have to think to “come back”.

This isn’t quite the same thing as shower epiphanies.I don’t come “to”  with some deliciously wonderful idea or thought process about how to solve a problem like I do with shower epiphanies! (Love those) This is more like I’m in a void with no thoughts and very little memory of time passing. I don’t feel as engaged as I used to. I’m not unhappy either. I just seem to NOT BE. It’s beginning to disturb me.

Am I the only one, or is this something you find yourself doing to?