Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Giving Me the Boot

Freshly home from Pittsburgh and visiting #4 and her children. My 5th grandchild’s birthday is next weekend, but since her daddy’s family is coming to celebrate, Hubby and I went up a weekend early to give our gifts and have a few cupcakes. She’s 3 already. I may cry. I love spending time with her and watching her grow and change. She’s a smart girl and sensitive in a good way. She is also independent, which can be a blessing. Quite honestly, I love her fashion style. It reminds me that we should just wear what feels good to us and not what someone says is an acceptable outfit.

Love it.

But on to the boot. I’ve been on-again, off-again in an aircast over the years and this is an on-again situation. Doc said to wear it for three weeks and STAY OFF OF IT (which is a new thing). Then come see him to ascertain whether or not I’d need any other kind of intervention. So, that’s what I’m doing. It’s not like I was going to do much anyway. It’s February and it’s a pandemic.

There are a few other things I’m “giving the boot” as well. Hubby and I started a lifestyle change this year. Cut the sugar out. Of course, he’s dropped weight almost instantaneously, but he says he feels better in other ways as well. We’ve both haven’t kept up with our exercise routines now that we are in the colder months and I’m in a boot, but we’ll get back to walking. We always do.

Time is rapidly passing and before you know it, I’ll be retired in June. So, I guess I’m effectively giving the chorus the boot. It’s been a good run and I’m extremely grateful for all the opportunities and people I’ve interacted with. I’m sure I’ll write more the closer I get to the end in June.

And finally, it seems #1 has decided to give me “the boot”. Last fall, she and I were texting and communicating very well. Within that time, she found out she was expecting (which was amazing since she’d had tubal ligation after the last child) but the universe works in it’s own way and she found she was pregnant by a fellow she’d been dating. She was having a milestone birthday (40!) which was landing on Thanksgiving and I hadn’t seen her in two years, so I told Hubby that I wanted to go visit.

Remember, this was 2020 and the COVID pandemic was still ongoing. Hubby was very hesitant about going anywhere, much less a road trip to Georgia. But since #1 had said she’d love to see us and that she missed us and really wanted us to visit (AND she was turning 40 – which for ME was huge), we made plans to go see her while implementing as many safety precautions as possible for all parties. I rented a beach house with a covered and screened-in porch in case it rained (which it did). And we planned ways that would allow us to visit, but reduce risk as much as possible. Let’s face it, we aren’t spring chickens and she’s told me she’s pregnant at 40, which is already high risk.

So, we packed up and drove down to Georgia and set-up in our cute little house at the beach with the most awesome porches and were looking forward to seeing grandchildren #2 and #4.

Since daughter #1 was working, we took the grandkids (who are both older, 13 and 19) on a trolly tour around Savannah. Learned a bunch and really enjoyed the day with the kids. In fact, we spent most of the week hanging out with the kids and playing games. Totally loved it.

The big day arrived – Thanksgiving and her 40th birthday all in one. She arrived about 4 hours later than she’d originally planned and left after 2 hours, saying she’d be back around 8 pm to spend some time and pick up the kids. I was frustrated by this because our original plans made months ago was to just spend the day together grazing on food and hanging out. She’d mentioned that it had been requested that we go to her new beau’s aunt’s house (who are local) early on, but we said we were there to spend time with her and she’d been thankful to be “off the hook with a good excuse”. Granted, she wasn’t pregnant then and it’s OK, things change. I can deal with that. What did surprise me was that when she said “Bye” that day, that would be the last I’ve heard from her to date.

She’d asked us to come down, saying she realized time was moving along and that we hadn’t seen each other in awhile and she missed us. We heard her, took vacation time off, rented a place, entertained the kids and came to spend time with her. And she dismissed us and still has.

#3, ever the one to speak up, recently talked to her. #1 expressed how jealous she was of her sister (#4 – why did I have SO MANY KIDS) and that she felt isolated.

  1. Her sister asks me to come up and spend time and I do.
  2. She asked me to come down and spend time and I did.

It seems that some of this stems from the fact that we put in safety protocols during her visit and she feels we don’t do the same with her sister.

I’m not sure it registered that both #1 and her beau work outside of the home and her daughter and son were both outside of the home for personal and education reasons. This was part of why we put in place the safety measures we felt comfortable with; to save possibly save our lives and to keep everyone healthy. Yet when we go to #4’s house, we stay in her home and from #1’s perspective, have relaxed rules. I’m not sure it occurs to #1 that her sister, #4, works from home and goes nowhere. Or that we purposefully quarantine ourselves when we know we will visit. Or that #4’s husband owns his own shop and thus has put in place safety protocols that he has sole control over to keep him safe at work. And maybe #1 doesn’t understand that we haven’t interacted with #4’s extended family (which is something to be said for a big Italian family) simply because none of us feel comfortable interacting with many people.

Maybe she would have if she’d asked. Or talked to us about anything. But instead, she’s just not communicated with us. And since she’s all wrapped up in being hurt, done wrong and being the victim, she’s not seeing the hurt she’s inflicting to herself and on people who keep trying to be a part of her life, but whom she regularly rejects via the choices she makes and has total control over making.

I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I’m not going to chase people who show no interest in being part of my world. Not with my children, my relationship or my job. So, maybe that’s why I’m wearing the boot…. the universe is telling me it’s time to stop being stuck. Let it go and give some issues “the boot”.

Author:

I believe you reap what you sow. It's not a Karma thing, it's that I believe you make your own reality whether good or bad. Thus, my favorite saying is, "Say what you mean and mean what you say."

Well, Sharon, if you wanna know what I think....

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