Category: Musings and Mutterings

Damnit, I am a nice person.

As a nice person, with high expectations for myself and others to also be kind and considerate of others, I’m always extremely let down when others do not ascribe to the same high level of caring and concern that I have.

Worse yet, that same “code” (not quite the same as Dexter’s code, but sometimes I wish I could go that route)keeps me from stooping to the level of what some would consider “normal” behavior for someone who has been wronged.

In my world, during shower therapy – long, hot, showers where I daydream about all the coulda-shoulda-woulda’s – I think about all the things I could have said, or should do. Many of these thoughts stick with me for days and I debate the wisdom of the course of action I consider. What would be the ultimate gain? Would I feel better for doing it? Would causing someone else discomfort really make me feel any different? Better? Worse? Do I really think that any action I take will truly be viewed in the manner it was intended? If my point was to educate/elucidate a point, would the dumb-ass be bright enough to even grasp the concept?

Ultimately, the answer is “Probably not.”

Now, do I come to this conclusion because I’m just a weak-willed person who would rather deal with a situation than create one? Am I someone who will allow herself to be the victim instead of becoming the aggressor? Or am I just a nice person who believes that Karma will even everything up in the end anyway, so why put a deficit in my own account?

Last March, the hubby and I joined the gym. It was our 23 wedding anniversary present to one another. We decided we needed to be healthier so we could annoy each other for another 23 years.

We started going regularly and the few pounds hubby had on him melted away.

I was jealous.

I was busting my butt, and really working hard, but no matter what I did, he seemed to do double what I was and was getting better results. grrrr…

Ok, that’s not really a healthy attitude, right? So, I tried to deal with my competitive and comparing nature and just keep going. I started walking, as well, and finally, I started seeing some results…. just in time for an injury to stop everything.

Off to the doctor who said to behave myself and figure out when I wanted to take care of my injury. He said it would be a while before I could resume my normal routine. DRATS!! I finally got motivated and into “the groove” and everything…

Then I remembered that I had paid up front for a personal trainer. I called the gym, made the appointment and met with the woman today. She’s so tiny, half my height, but she seemed to know what she was doing. I asked her to get me a routine I could do to work around my injury until it was ‘all better’ and I could then include my other activities into my routine. On Wednesday, I’ll know what she’s got up her tiny little sleeves for me, but GOOD. I want to move, I need to move. I need to peel myself out of my comfy, warm, warren and force myself out into new situations.

Being a rabbit, we really do love calm and cozy and minimal drama/excitement, but that can lead to stagnation as well. So to hell with my nervousness and fears and self doubts about my ability… let this tiny little woman do what she will. I’m ready for a change anyway.

First, and I’m sure this will sound totally UN American, but I can’t STAND the smell of turkey roasting in my house. Poultry skin stench of any kind is not tolerated, but turkey in particular is abhorrent to my delicate sensitivities! 😉

Second, I’ve tried to lighten the T-Day meal in some ways by including more fiber and whole grains, fresh ingredients, less butter (whaaaaaa) and overall better nutrition. This year the menu was Turkey (cooked outside on the grill… frees up space in the oven and avoids that “aromatic” problem) a naturally cured, no nitrite ham, fauxtatoes (mashed and whipped cauliflower) corn with red peppers and broccoli bits, sweet potato whipped with maple syrup, nuts, and some egg whites on a pecan meal crust, stuffing made from scratch with double protein whole grain bread cubes, cranberries pulsed together with an orange, some orange juice and a few walnuts, steamed string beans, wheat rolls and yes.. finally… some butter! Kinda heavy on the starch side but definitely full of fiber.

Third, due to the menu above, there is now another “aromatic” problem in my household. About an hour after dinner, all night last night and so far all this morning, there have been a plethora of gaseous emissions from my family. The lingering kind.

Oh
My
Gawd!

So, I’ve decided that next year some extra planning must be given consideration and that I should leave myself a note in the cyber-world to remind me of what I need to do differently.
1. Buy some flame-less candles. (No need to tempt the Methane Gods into blowing up the house.)
2. Move the TV, couch, beds and video games outside so everyone can enjoy some fresh air!
3. If there is bad weather predicted and you can’t move life outside, remember to purchase air fresheners for each room of the house, extra TP and turn on the whole house fan.

I am currently reading “Twilight” by Stephanie Myers, and hoping I finish it before the movie comes out. Not that I’m going to race to the theater and camp out to be the first person to see the movie, but I would like to finish the story before it’s splashed all over the place any more than it already will be.

My daughter got the series from her room mate and passed the along to me. I was not in a rush to read them until a friend said she’s zipped through the whole series after being urged to by her mother. Then I began hearing some of the kids I work with talking about it as well. Just like I did with Harry Potter, I decided to take the plunge and see what everyone was yammering about.

The story has been good so far, and I’m about halfway through the book, but I wouldn’t be giving a darn thing away if I tell you that one of the main characters is supposed to be a vampire. In one part they refer to the family of vampires as “the cold ones”. As soon as I read that I began to get an inkling of fear.

I’m constantly cold. My hands are blue, like ice cubes. People cringe from me when I go to touch them. But unlike the lightning fast ability to move, my movements are a bit more slow. However, compare my movements and the amount I get done in a day to most of the people I know, and I bet I’m whizzing along in double time!!

The vampires in this book choose to dine on wildlife rather than humans…. hey! me too!! I’ll take a nice bison steak on the juicy red side any time of the day over humans!

The vampires don’t sleep. Have you ever noticed the time stamp on most of my blogs? I don’t sleep much either.

The vampires are iridescent. Ok, with a little glitter powder I can do that too… or if I just don’t go outside to soak up any rays for a few months, I’d be so white that I’d glow too!!

Yikes!! Have I been a vampire all this time and not realized it???

Then I remembered that I hadn’t taken my thyroid meds in a few days because I forgot to pick up the prescription, hehehehe… I sure am glad I’m only ingesting dessicated bovine thyroid and not something disgusting like human blood!

Liquid dinner for all the family.

Today, my eldest child was told they were laid off. My third child is only working part time-ish and my hubby has been lopping heads right and left in his department and *I* was told in a lengthy meeting that making money for the company is BAD! Huh??

Some strange cosmic energy construed to have us all come together at the same time in the afternoon at the house and the first thing on everyone’s mind was ‘HAPPY HOUR’. (A strange term when you think about it)

Thankfully(?) I live a few blocks from a bar and we walk down and stagger home now and then, so we all wandered down the road and took up a table next to the guest lobster. (they take guesses as to his weight and whomever gets closest takes the lobster home, dead or alive. Tonight he was 5.1 lbs) It didn’t take too long for us all to be a little loose and we started toasting.

“Here’s to not being allowed to make money for the company!”

“Here’s to the economy!”

“Here’s to MOM and her plot for world domination!” (my personal favorite of the night)

It was an interesting experience and one of the more relaxed times we’ve had as a family lately. I really enjoyed myself.

When Happy Hour was over, the bar cleared right out and we took our time in the clear, crisp night air to waddle home. Tipsy family time… you gotta love it!!

I’m up early after being up late, trying to catch up on a few odds and ends before a work meeting today. I’ve been summoned to the great castle in the city to get chewed out for sure. That’s what happens when you are successful when you weren’t supposed to be.

Or maybe I’m just stressing, but don’t you hate it when they demand a meeting and won’t tell you why? It did cross my mind that perhaps the executioner was also being summoned to the castle and my head is gonna roll, so that’s swirling around in my mind as well. Not much I can do about it if that is the case, though I’d be very upset. Seems like everywhere you go in this kingdom there are lopped off heads all around you.

Originally written November 7, 2008 11:17 am

A year later (just about) and there are a few things that have changed. It’s still a busy time of the year at work, and the family is good.
My body is responding well to fitness, and then again it’s not, because what began as a small injury has become bothersome and must be dealt with. It’s also stopped my progress and that’s upsetting.

My eldest child is still trying to get her life together. I’m sorry it’s been such a long and difficult journey for her, but I hope she’s finally on the right path. I miss the grandchildren!

I’ve recently experienced some hurtful thngs these past few months. What I had hoped would be a good situation wasn’t, and now a long term friend does not speak to me. It really stinks, and while I’m really happy he’s gotten the things in life that I was telling him he needed and encouraging him to look for, I didn’t expect to be excommunicated and judged the way I was. I have to imagine it was nothing more than fear and insecurities that created the entire situation, and that’s a shame. Still, I’m amazed that my friend let it all come between our friendship, after vowing that nothing ever would, and now I have to wonder why.

I should be sleeping, but for some reason, I’m still awake. I was tired earlier, but then my mind got to churning and here I am, awake. Maybe I’ll join the masses of people who are raving about the book , “Twilight” and go read some more of it. I don’t really see the huge draw for this book so far, but unless it’s EXTREMELY painful to get through, I’ll finish it. It just might take me awhile.

Speaking of awhile, I’ll try to get back in here and blog a bit more. I like the new interface much more than before, and I’ve lost my taste for my Multiply page in some ways. We’ll see.

Over the weekend there was a conversation that discussed, among other things, rejection, which no one does well with.

Years ago,RO,(that’s the name I came up with, btw, to describe the person who recently pulled a mental fast one on me)told me my family had really fucked me up. Not that I’m looking to blame my family for everything, but I must say it did set the tone for some other choices. Even though my parents did an excellent job of instilling responsibility and morality in us kids, they also weren’t very lovey-dovey and were sarcastic and critical and didn’t mind telling you all of your flaws.

RO said that was mentally abusive.

Sibings were never emotionally close, no one was in that family, and as time went by, siblings became even farther apart. Parents passed away and siblings descended into the dirty world name calling and choosing sides. All glove were off, the parents were no longer there to hold control. In the end, my brother excommunicated himself from the sisters. Not that the sisters are banded together or anything, he just decided we weren’t his family and up and stopped talking to us. Just cut us off.

RO said he was an asshole.

One sister kept trying to keep the others together.( Can you guess which one?) Frequent attempts to arrange dinners, emails and invitations to parties were made. One sister or the other might attend and it was always just a little too inconvenient to show up. With all that difficulty in trying to put things together, that one sister gave up. In one year, she lost all of her family, or the remnants of what she’d hoped was her family.

RO said that was fucked up and mocked the sisters who couldn’t be bothered.

Fast forward about 6 years. RO meets a girl, CM. RO has been part of my family for almost 2 decades at this point. In my world, I was happy RO had found someone and was looking forward to adding to what I had felt was my family. I was nervous and excited to meet her, since EVERY PHONE CALL she had been friendly and engaging and said kind things. I had hoped I found another friend. Man, was I WRONG!! CM talks to me a few times and decides that she doesn’t like me and never wants to speak to me again and has RO call to tell me this, 1 day before we were all supposed to meet for dinner. RO had also become distant and unfriendly. WTF?

RO had insisted that nothing would ever come between our friendship. I was a fool and believed it.

After that phone call, RO hasn’t spoken to me unless I’ve sent some kind of work related or separation message. (Accounts to be dissolved and such)

So, if my family was mentally abusive, fucked up, and my brother was an asshole, all by not talking to me, rejecting me and not being emotionally involved, then what does that make RO, but yet another brother.

So I’m being difficult. If you don’t know what it means, nor how to say it, look it up.
Not difficult, Samhain.

It’s interesting to see that celebrations of, or marking a day at or near the exact same time of the year, occurs throughout the world. All the commemorative days that deal with death or the end of a harvest are done somewhere between Oct 31 and Nov 2. I can understand the beliefs tied to the end of the harvest and the darkness, but how did that get tied in with dead people? I would suppose that since we really are nothing but yet another fruit on mother earth’s vines, that when our bodies wither and die, and our souls are harvested to go wherever they go, that humans could be compared to a crop.