I have a very nice light display in my front yard… wait, I USED to have a very nice light display in my yard. I’ll have to see what’s left since it’s been a bit breezy today.
In my front yard are 4 faux trees with white lights. Three of these trees are brown, to mock trees in winter and look like they ‘belong’ there during the day. One is white, but sits near to the house, so it doesn’t look too awful. These trees are about 6 feet tall and come with a stand and these ridiculous excuses for stakes that look more like heavy duty paper clips. What is *supposed* to happen, is you put these stakes through the holes in the four legs of the stand and this will anchor your tree into the ground. Unless, of course, you live in Maryland and it’s December 1 and it’s more than a bit breezy outside.
I was working in my office when I glanced outside to see two of my trees had fallen over, taking the cheapie, yet glass, balls I had hung on them to the ground. Most survived, but a few had to be carted off to the glass ball graveyard. I also saw my plastic Santa, who sits like a little gnome on my front porch, taking a ride down the street on the wind. Yikes!! He could cause an accident on my busy road!! So, I got up and went outside to fix my holiday decorating disaster.
First thing, my shirt flew up past my bra, giving everyone a fright (I don’t think anyone would have been thrilled). Ok, tuck that into place. Next I went to take care of the farthest tree. Looking around, I noticed that the other two were leaning precariously as well. After clearing the dead glass ball debris, I began assessing my situation. The tree had pulled up all the earth around the stakes and the rocks that I had were obviously insufficient.
We have a rock pile behind the shed. We also have a dog who likes to poo everywhere. To get to the rock pile, you need to traverse the “mine field”. (Frank will be advised that he’s a minesweeper this weekend.) This rockpile has some old long grass growing up and around it. Since we have had Maryland Copperheads in our backyard, I thought that a stick might be a good idea to poke around with first. Good, no snakes or brown recluse spiders… I find a few bricks and think that I might be able to use those to help prop my tree. I go back to my tree and begin to extricate the twisted metal from the earth so that I may *replant* my tree. Did I mention that these trees have metal branches and mini lights? Did I mention that each of these metal branches ends in a curl of metal that resembles an unfinished circle and that said curls of metal just LOVE long blond hair blowing in the wind? Now I’m not so silly as to go out with my hair loose and try to work in the wind, but I did have it up in a bun, which makes this all the worse, because as each branch proceeded to catch in my hair, I could not just pull the strand through… I had to UNHOOK each branch from my head! Here I am, holding the tree in gale force winds with no other anchor for 6 feet of wind resistance than my lovely locks. My shirt has come untucked and is also fluttering around my midsection and beginning to catch in the tree. I felt like that kid from Poltergeist.
This whole tableau might not be so bad if my tree repair had worked. The bricks helped some but as I mentioned before, there were other trees that were leaning and needed help as well. So back to the rockpile to find some more rocks. When I came back with a few mini boulders, my tree had fallen again. @O($&#$) Ok, I bolstered the two leaning trees and retrieved their blown balls from the ground and went to get another mini boulder from the back yard.
Again, I fought with this silly tree, killing more balls and ripping out more hanks of hair. (I’d like to think that instead of losing hair, I added natural tinsel to the tree.) This time, I think my boulder will hold that tree in place.
Santa was retreived and pinned behind a metal milk can on my front porch. He’s had his flying license revoked for a bit.
The white tree by the house was also a fallen victim. This tree is a bit different and brand new. While tryng to right this one, the three sections came apart, along with the even more pitiful excuses for stakes and I’m standing in my garden, trying not to crush plants with three sections of tree whipping around on wires. At this point, I started to laugh. I could just imagine my neighbor, who works from home as well, sitting in her office and clutching her sides while watching me try to fix my front yard. It had to be hilarious. I finally got the white tree set back up, a bit closer to the house this time so the house acts as a wind break, but all I could think of was that I certainly could have been someones funniest home video today.