I’ve been confused for weeks now.
I don’t understand how some people work.
I trusted this person. I opened my life to them and involved them in every aspect. I risked my relationships for them, every day.
Within less than 2 months, this person turned on me and after nearly 20 years of friendship, stopped talking to me for no other reason than the fact that they couldn’t handle the same juggling of friendship and a relationship that I had been juggling for all that time.
I’m disgusted. I’m hurt. I’m mad and I’m sad.
I hate liars. I hate people who say with conviction that they will “always be there” or that “they’ll just have to understand you are my friend” and then the INSTANT it looks remotely difficult for them, they go back on all that was said before.
I had trust issues before this person, I have bigger ones now.
I trusted this one person to understand and know everything there was about me. I gave them the power of knowledge and allowed myself to reveal my vulnerability to them. They knew what they were doing when they made their choices and if they said otherwise, they were only lying yet again.
This person would rather ignore or not deal with an uncomfortable situation and would prefer to let it rot and decay instead of confronting it. This person is a fucking coward.
Why did they choose to hurt me so, because in the end, that’s what they’ve done. They’ve chosen to do this to me and I think that’s what confuses and pisses me off the most. I wish I could say I did something really ‘wrong’ to deserve this. I can live with that. I didn’t. I stuck by this person, I supported them during years of friendship. I dedicated a large part of my life to them. I was more than willing to be open about their new choices in life, I even encouraged them. And yet, here I am, blogging to no one and everyone at the same time about how I feel used, and betrayed and hurt.
Sometimes, I hate you.