Ergh! I have eleven minutes to post before I’ve messed up another Nablopomo again. I will succeed.
Quickly, let me tell you a little story… maybe I’ll update it later if it seems as though I haven’t done a good enough job.
Come little children… come hear the story….
I have adult children. Key word here is adult. Some are young adults and some are younger adults, but the key word here is still, adult.
They are all living on their own (except for the one in her Sr. year of college and that’s because I live near her internship. Otherwise, she’d been living on her own for 2 years prior.
My children are happy, well adjusted, responsible and functioning people who contribute to society, are honest and kind. They all love me. We all have good relationships. They know I love them and respect them.
So, tell me dear reader, why it is that one particular in-law chooses to be such a nasty Nellie and post things that are aimed at not so subtly telling the world what a horrible, un-supportive, un-caring, abandoning and dismissive parent my child could ever have? What is the motivation here? Jealousy? Insecurity? C’mon!
And she does all this by posting on my child’s FB status messages. Either as soon as there is a new status posted, or directly after I’ve made some kind of comment, this person makes sure she posts how much she does for my child by writing in BIG letters about HER and her SUPPORT and how you don’t just let your children fail at things.
Ready for this? (Cover your ears and eyes if you are easily offended…)
As a parent, your job is to nurture and guide your children. You are to love and support them, not control, domineer and manipulate them.
My child had asked me to intercede on her behalf one day. To let her in-law know that they didn’t appreciate what was going on and why they didn’t want to do something the in law wanted her to do. Being the momma, I agreed. This was one of those times where I needed to stick to my guns and tell my adult child that they needed to learn how to deal with aggressive people. I had made suggestions, but the child whined a bit and voila, I wrote a letter.
It wasn’t a nasty letter. It explained why the child didn’t want to do what the in-law wanted and addressed some issues of the basic way the child was raised and core values of our family. It discussed our parenting philosophy and how we have dealt with situations in the past. This was not anything outside of what the adult child had asked me to write.
I should have listened to my gut and refused my child, because since that letter, my child has been told – to their face- what a horrible mother I am. How much the in-law hates me. How I don’t provide for my adult child the way she does. How my support isn’t equivalent and how much better my child is with her.
How wrong is that? She doesn’t have to like me, but don’t bad mouth me to my kid. That’s like the dad talking bad about the mom in a divorce just to ‘win’ the kids favor.
On second thought… she can bad mouth me all she pleases. She can say what she wants, she can boost her self up – because if that’s what she needs to be happy, then I’ll support her in that.
My philosophy is that my adult child should be able to make her own decisions by now. It’s what I said in conjunction to what the in-law wanted and it’s my same philosophy now. If my child chooses to believe what’s being told to them and goes by the wayside, that’s her choice. I’ll always love her and will support whatever she chooses to do.
I don’t have resources to promise inheritances or throw money at situations and promise big pay-offs when I die, and both the child and I know, I’ve already used what little I had on her. They are appreciative of what I could do and that’s all that matters.
I’m happy that my child has a supportive network where she lives and has been accepted into her new family. I wouldn’t want it any other way. It was a rocky road at first, but she seems to be doing extremely well now, thanks to who she is, not who she’s influenced by.
I think the proof is in the pudding, and my pudding has done very well, thank you!!