Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Rumi-nating

You were born with potential.

You were born with goodness and trust.

You were born with ideals and dreams.

You were born with greatness.

You were born with wings.

You are not meant for crawling, so don’t.

You have wings.

Learn to use them and fly.

~Rumi

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

Request Vs. Demand

I’m dealing with a situation that has alerted me to a few thought processes that I’ve either developed recently, or have always had. There is a distant family member who has been in contact and is demanding, in a degrading and aggressive nature, that we do what she says, only what she says and when she says to do it. This has triggered a few responses from me.

1. This woman doesn’t know me very well because invariably, my first response to an aggressive demand is some variant of ” No.”

2. There is no quicker way to entrench me in a test of wills than to tell me what I am going to do, how and when to do it, with no thoughts or consideration, nor opportunity for discussion.

3. What is it that causes this response in me and why?

4. Am I being stubborn and formulating my response solely on the way the demand was presented, or is the demand truly unreasonable for my current situation.

5. Why does someone ever feel that bullying,  degradation of others and guilt would make anyone WANT to help them, even if it’s understood that the place they are coming from is fear and lack?

6. Is this all just semantics?

Isn’t a request defined as something you are asking someone to do, with the possible response, of “No”,  “Not now”, “I can’t” or “Can we discuss this?” as opposed to a demand with the only response being “yes, I’ll do as you say and in your way without regard to anything else nor the impact it may have on me.” A request is respectful of the other person and shows a concern and willingness to  work through any friction the request may cause. A demand is aggressive, selfish and self-centered with no respect or consideration shown for the person being demanded of. Basically, the message is “My needs are greater than yours. I don’t care what your situation is. I don’t care how this will affect you and I don’t want to discuss it.”

Um… wth?

I’ve seen parents do this to their children, employees to employers, friends to friends, and never have I seen a positive outcome without someone feeling hurt and belittled.

So, on to my situation . This is the 4th time this person has aggressively demanded money from us for something we don’t owe her, but to which she believes we should contribute. She made the financial choice to set things up as they are and she could make choices to change those circumstances, and truly, that’s her business, but I’m not sure why she thinks we have to give her money for something she chose. If it were my own children in this situation, I’d tell them no. Go ahead and ask them, because they all know – or have experienced it.

Of course, if you come to me and explain what’s going on and ask me if there is any way I can help out… well…. it might not be exactly what you wanted, but it would be better than nothing, right? Too bad people don’t understand that at times.

The first demand I had to deny. The second demand I denied initially, but then contributed to when I was able to make arrangements that we can work with. The third demand, less than 10 months later,  was for more. The fourth demand was for even more. If we’ve told her every time we doing the best that we can, what makes her think that demanding again will change the situation?

What’s that saying about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Sadly, I don’t think a polite response is going to work this time. It’s ugly.

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

What’s Old Is New Again

I went shopping with my daughter yesterday and saw all the same styles from the early 80’s being repeated with little tweaks here and there. Lots of corsets, short skirts, ruffles and upside down triangle-shaped shirts, neon colors, red paired with electric blue, stripes, blazers… yep… save for the exceedingly large shoulder pads and the massive hair (which may be coming) there it all was… again.

It was both comforting and frightening to see my daughter scanning the racks for something “new”.

My wardrobe, which consists largely of jeans and t-shirts,  and my music library, seem to be stuck in a rut lately. While I have no immediate plans to return to the 80’s fashion era,  I have music that would fit the term ancient, literally, to current, but it’s oddly thin in the recent pop group. I decided to listen to a few radio stations to get a feel for what’s out there and what I might like to listen to.

What did I find?

Pandora radio is great.

Regular radio has FAAAARRR too many commercials to listen to for very long.

Ukuelele is big now and  girls that stutter when they sing, or girls who do something between rap and spoken word with a range of maybe a few notes are popular. I also found lyrics that were fun to morph ( as usual…. “We’re on the edge, it’s gory, and I blaming it all on you”).

Just like the button up plaid shirt with the shiny thread running through the pattern, paired with the fish-net fabric that served as a scarf, the tight (now called skinny) jeans and feathered hairdo I used to wear when I was 13, I also found myself in an updated version of myself over 40 years later.

I had virtually walked to the store (by going to Amazon.com) and I was buying 45’s. Ok, so now they call them mp3’s, but it’s still a single song you can  purchase independent of the full album. Yes!!  I guess some things coming full circle isn’t always a bad thing, and  it doesn’t hurt that my allowance is a little more the 50 cents now. I’ve had a ball buying some new tunes and have now commanded my family to replace my once favorite gift of all time (A soon to be defunct Borders Bookstore gift card) with an Amazon gift card instead. Oh yeah.. Momma’s having fun now!

Posted in Musings and Mutterings

The Return of Das Boot!

It’s been awhile since we’ve last seen it, but the boot has finally appeared for a return engagement. That’s right, it’s time for me to hobble around again. Same problem, other foot.

S’ok. It’ll heal if I keep it immobilized for a couple of weeks. Until then, it’s back to knee highs and my lovely gray friend.

Kinda reminds me of the DeLorean.

Same lovely dull gray color… same blunt squared off nose… and if you are even slightly creative, I’m sure you can extrapolate the doors into the wonderful velcro straps. C’mon… I know you can do it!