Author: Sharon

I think most people might have categorized this as a romance novel, but while I will admit that the story line did revolve around the relationship between Henry and Clare, the thoughts that this book evoked took it out of the romance realm for me.

I did enjoy the book, but found it to be terribly depressing. No happy ending here, folks. The idea of popping around in your life, and the lives of others, at different times and stages was a clever way of examining how we change throughout or own time lines. It also brought into focus how relationships themselves change and grow with time.

I feel like the ending was almost too contrived, although what was I expecting from a book that has a man flitting through time? I will say that the ending had many instances of foreshadowing that I didn’t necessarily catch, and that’s definitely unusual for me. I’ve normally figured out the ending well ahead of time and find myself skim reading through to the end, but I read every word in this novel.

Damn you for stealing my joie de vivre.
Damn you for making me feel so blah
Damn you for the forgetting
Damn you for making me cry
Damn you for making me so angry
Damn you for this lie
Damn you for doing this to me
Damn you for the loss of trust
Damn you for the loss of sleep
Damn you for the lost thoughts
Damn you for the strange dreams
Damn you for the shakes
Damn you for drenched sheets
Damn you, this just isn’t me

The time has come and gone by and we all survived the camping trip. Woot!

This past weekend, my friend Jenny, her daughter, Megan, and Hubby and I went camping. This was a new addition to our repertoire of things “to do”. (Speaking of which, Jenny- we need another bowling night soon… gotta play with our balls, ya’ know!)

I had looked forward to doing this for a few reasons.

1. Had never been camping with Hubby and wanted to see if we’d kill one another, or if we’d make do with what we had and improvise the rest.
2. Wanted to see if our old ghetto tent would still do it’s job.

3. Wanted to hang with my friends and do something different.
4. Wanted to try Jenny’s cool new toy.
5. Wanted to smell wood smoke on my clothes and in my hair for the rest of the week!

I think I achieved all the things I set out to.

After a bit of an unsteady start, (we left at different times and our eating/erecting of tents schedule was thrown off) we settled in for our first night. it wasn’t that cold and only sprinkled a little bit, so we lucked out on the weather. We had been afraid we were going to be rained out, but my special weather bubble held and all was well. We started a fire and consumed some requisite s’mores and enjoyed some “Jeezes” juice. (Don’t ask, lol) Megan was the first to retire, with Hubby not far behind her. Jenny and I stayed up to enjoy the fire, even tho there would have been no sleeping for us lightweights… the neighbors on both sides were enjoying their Friday night with their own version of juice and crying children. We decided we’d take a stroll up to the “real” restrooms, as opposed to the port a johns that were right across from our site and had a tendency to have the door BANG when someone came out of them. As we were walking up there – the first time- we saw little red blinky lights coming towards us in the dark. We both looked around but didn’t see anything else with those little lights, so we were surprised when a little boy, carrying a pink car and some other toy, came into view.

We asked him where his mom and dad were and he was just quiet at first. Then he warmed up a bit when we asked if he was here with his Grandma and Grandpa by replying, “They died.” Lovely, lol! Once he’d given us that info, he told us his name was Lucas and he started running up and down the road and saying that we were going the wrong way. Just as we were beginning to think we should take a walk to the security shack, we heard a desperate mom, toting two other tots with her, calling for Lucas. Thankfully, mom and son were reunited and Jenny and I could continue on our way. Then, a few more feet from where we had seen the boy, we looked over at a cabin to see a naked man.. (I mean people, really, even though you are in a campground, curtains can still be drawn- ahem…)

We got back to our fire, enjoyed a bit more of our juice and decided that noise or no noise, it was going to be one more trip up to the bathroom (and maybe one more peek at the nekkid man) and then off to bed. Even though I would have preferred for the option to be no noise, it was noise and while Megan and Hubby blissfully snored, Jenny and I had a less than restful evening with crying children and partying neighbors.

We got up early and had some breakfast and decided what our plan of the day would be. Before going, we had each chosen an event that we wanted to do over the weekend. Megan chose a ghost walk, I wanted to climb around at the Devil’s Den (had never been there), Jenny wanted to go to the Wheatfields after dark, and Frank wanted to go to Catoctin Colorfest.

We went to the Visitor’s Center, which now houses the Cyclorama and a huge and over-priced book store and museum. It was an interesting building and we bought an auto tour cd and guide book.

After getting a few snacks, we started our tour. It was nice to be able to stop and get out where you wanted to and take pictures. The wind was blowing pretty hard by the time we got to Little Round Top, since a cold front was moving in, so after we had visited the Devil’s Den for a bit, we decided to pick up the tour later (maybe) and go for a late lunch and maybe a nap back at our campsite. We also secured our tickets for the the Jennie Wade 11:35 pm tour.

Even tho we had pretty much just eaten lunch, we had to make sure we cooked up the meat we had purchased for dinner, so Hubby got the campfire going and I made some meat patties while the neighbors kids made a leaf pile near our site.

It was cute to watch them pile up the leaves and jump in them… until I noticed the little neighbor’s dog take a whiddle in the middle of the leaf pile. I was just getting ready to tell the parents when WHOOSH, they all jumped into the pile and by that time… I thought…. oh well… they are camping, and the dog was tiny…

After we ate our side of beef, and dark was falling, we headed out towards the wheat fields. We poked around for a bit, taking pictures and playing with a few things. We certainly weren’t the only ones out there in the dark. There were flashes everywhere and an entire group of people wearing flashlights on their heads, walking through and listening to some guide tell them about some of the markers. It was kind of surreal to watch those lights bobbing by in the darkness. Megan was afraid of werewolves, but we told her that we thought she was pretty safe with us.

We left the Wheatfields and decided to go find Jenny’s grandfather’s grave in a local cemetery. After a little poking around – and some concern that we might get locked in since it was almost 10 pm – we found his grave and paid our respects. His neighbor had some kind of unspeakable name… I think it had two vowels, and I stood there trying for the life of me to say the guys name. I don’t think I ever succeeded. We left there and went up to the Eternal Flame monument, wishing the flames were a bit closer to us, since by then it had dropped down to the low 40’s and we were pretty chilly. We were looking forward to our time in the Jennie Wade house, if only to warm up a bit… but then we realized that we’d be right back out in the cold…. for the rest of the night.

The Jennie Wade house was small, and cramped and the tour had about 30 people on it. It seemed like every place I chose to stand, the guide would say, “And that’s where…..” so I felt like I was constantly in the way. As soon as I got into the building, I didn’t feel so good and upstairs, Hubby asked if I was ok.. I made the puking face and was hoping we’d be out pretty soon. Once we got out of that room, I felt better and when we went into the cellar, I was fine. The guide gave us lots of information and told us about some activity in the house, but Jenny and I agreed that we felt the EVP they “said” they’d captured in the house was a fake.

After the tour, we were all exhausted and ready to sleep, no matter how cold it was. (39 when we got to the campsite around 1:30, so we guesstimate it was about 36 at the lowest point). We went to our tents and while some of us again slept soundly, the other two were dozing while listening to the hoot owls that were all around us in the woods and wondering if Peggy the socialite would wander through our tents looking for her head. (the owls, yes, the socialite, not really)

It was another early morning, since the neighbors were up and breaking camp and we were happy to have Hubby build us a fire. We were slow to break camp and pack up and decided to wander around and take some “artsy-fartsy” shots before we left.

Hubby nixed the Colorfest plans so instead we went mini golfing at a really nice course and then did another late lunch. By this time it was all we could do to keep our eyes open, so we went our separate ways.

All in all it was a very successful trip and I think we could easily do this again! Not the camping trips of my youth, and that’s really ok, but nice in its own way.  Yay!

There has been quite a bit of change going on in my home lately.

A few weeks back, someone hit my daughters car while it was parked in front of my house, totaling it. The good news was the insurance company will compensate her with a bit more money than we paid for the car 3 years ago. The bad news is that we needed to figure out a way to get her another set of wheels. The solution we came up with was to sell her one of our cars for what we owe on it, and buy a new car ourselves. We took on the bigger debt and she got a car we knew the history of. Thus, I now have an Alien in my driveway.

It’s a fun little thing to drive, and both Hubby and I are getting used to how small it is on the outside and how big it is on the inside.

In other changes, the urge to purge seems to have hit a little early this year.Normally, I get this urge in January, but I got a new paint job in one of the bedrooms and a bathroom last week, which meant displacing a bunch of stuff to allow access. Now I have to put everything back together again and that’s sparked a desire to go even further and organize things like cabinets, sock drawers and my wardrobe. I am plenty busy at work, so I’m not sure why this change has taken hold, but I am NOT complaining. In fact, I hope it sticks around for a bit, because it’s  felt so good to get things moving around.

In an amazing turn of events, I actually got some communication from BOTH of my sisters in one weekend. True one of them only texted me, but hey… that’s an improvement over the silence since last February. I’m trying to get them together to visit my Aunt who is getting up there in age and is our final living relative from my parents generation. My spunky little Aunt decided to celebrate her 70th birthday by going to a defunct insane asylum and spending the night there ghost hunting!! You go, girl! With any luck, we’ll be seeing her by the end of the month.

What’s been up in your neck of the woods?

What begins, you might ask. Well a few things I guess…

1. Sewer
2. Renovations
3. Chilliness
4. Attitude adjustment
5. The smell of cinnamon everywhere
6. Hibernation

Let’s start at the very beginning…. a very good place to start….lol

First off, the county informed me that today I would be without water and sewer for 12 hours, starting at 8 am. It’s now 8:42 and they are nowhere to be seen. The part I am not looking forward to is the smell of the chemical they are using to coat the insides of the pipes. Luckily, I go to work today. Sadly, I have to close up the house to avoid the smell and the cool air just feels so good.

The painters came yesterday and started working on #4’s room. It looks great. I’m really happy with the color. Sometimes blue can be so depressing, but this is a cheery light blue and the white trim and paneling makes it look delicate and inviting. Hubby said it best when he said it was a very classical color. My bathroom is coming along. I need to find someone to install some flooring, but other than that, I think I’ve got a good idea where to get the cabinet and mirror I want for that room. Still a bit stumped on the sink/vanity, but I think that will come to me soon. On Wednesday, I have the painters coming back to finish up the trim work and an estimate for replacing my back deck.

Last night, the temperatures were supposed to dip into the upper 40’s. It was some mighty fine sleeping weather, I’ll say! However, this year, I’ve been loathe to close the windows. The chilly air has felt good for a change, ’cause usually I hate to be cold. It’s almost time to go apple picking at the farm. This is when I miss the kids the most. When we would go to the farm, make crafts, decorate and bake. Sigh… no little kidlets nearby to play with anymore.. 😦 Maybe I’ll volunteer to be a big sister?!

Long ago I had a conversation with someone about attitude adjustment. I’m not negating that depression, negativity and ennui are things that aren’t easily overcome, far from it. Once you sink into that hole, it’s hard to clamber your way out. No, my argument was that  the key to overcoming such things was to adjust your attitude.. your outlook.. on life and life’s experiences.

I was told that this concept was impossible. That you couldn’t just wake up one day and flip a switch in your head and decide that you were going to be more positive. Well… actually… yes you can! I still hold true to that thought process. Let’s say you go to a therapist to discuss your feelings. All the therapist does (albeit with years of training and some hard work) is help you adjust your way of seeing things and minor alterations to your point of view. Difficult to see when you are in the throes of dark and negative thoughts, but certainly very attainable if you consciously CHOOSE to change your thought process. And that’s the key, I think. You have to CHOOSE to change.. no one can make the changes for you. It can be hard to think and act differently. We are such creatures of habit. If you can have bad habits, why can’t you have good ones too?

Lately, I’ve been smelling cinnamon EVERYWHERE I go. I’ve come to associate cinnamon with fall and winter so much that I can’t smell it anymore without conjuring up mental images of mugs of warm drinks, fires, apples, colorful leaves and Christmas. I’m not sure if this early (seems early) olfactory assault is good, or bad. I mean sure it extends the season somewhat, but I certainly don’t want to wear it out, either.

As mentioned earlier… I’ve got a strong urge to sleep. I just want to snuggle down in my warm blankets with chill air in my room and rest. But, there is no rest for the wicked, so I’ve been getting up early lately. I find that whether I stay up late or get up early, I really prefer that special quietness of early morning. The downside is that I’m already considering a nap at 8:30 am!

Not me… the guest room.

My youngest is basically out on her own, so I decided to re-do her room. (Isn’t that what all empty nest-ers do?) I’m looking forward to it just being done and crossed off my list, but also to see how it turns out. In fact, all the little painting odds and ends will be done. I hired a company to JUST DO IT!

Hubby and I acquired some gear to go camping in the next few weeks. We each got a lantern and a sleeping bag. It almost felt like “back to school” shopping for some reason. I balked on some of the prices, since we haven’t EVER been camping together and I wanted to see if we were compatible. By this, I mean will I kill him if he snores too loudly and will I be a complete crank the next day if I don’t get any sleep due to all the pesky bugs and night noises. (Gee officer, I don’t know how that pillow got rammed so far up his nose.. I was sleeping the whole time…)

We are planning on going to Gettysburg and wander the fields at night. I’m sure we are trying to scare ourselves silly, but what the hey. As long as I don’t step in a chuck hole and break myself, I’m game.

Hubby and I dug out the tent we bought YEARS ago when all the kidlets were very small  and with the thought of taking them all camping, (lol) and set it up so it could air out. How clever are we to do that on the only day it’s supposed to thunderstorm?? Ok, so now maybe you can see why we’ve never quite done the camping thing?? We are both hoping that the heinous smell that has permeated the tent due to years of moldering in the shed will magically “air out” before we leave. I’m sure that if it doesn’t two things will be guaranteed. 1. No animal would want to come anywhere NEAR our tent and 2. We’d probably be in the market for a new tent.  I think the most this tent has ever seen of camping, at this point, is in our backyard as a sleepover place. Come to think of it, maybe it has done its proper duty.

I had written a blog last night and it’s nowhere to be seen!! WTH?

I spent all that time and it’s just vanished into the cloud… darn it. I hate when that happens. I hate it more that I can’t really remember what I wrote. Now that’s just pathetic. Of course, I wrote it at midnight or something… oh yeah.. now I remember what it was about…. it had to do with Sunday and Monday.. but I can’t remember exactly what.

Oh it sucks to forget now and then.

Got a compliment on my profile pic from my ex of long ago. Said I looked smokin’ hot and that the years hadn’t changed me much. LOL!! I had to explain that my current photo as of today, was from when I was 18 years old!! Duh…. I should have looked exactly like he’d remember me in this photo, since it was the last time I’d seen him, so maybe I don’t feel so bad about forgetting a silly little blog from last night. Let’s just hope this one doesn’t get eated as well!!

I went for my mammogram today. I was encouraged to touch myself regularly.. lol. Imma leave it at that for you goofs.

I’m working late again tonight, but equipment errors have plagued me. Actually, it’s been this way all day. Seems like everything I’ve touched or tried to do has just been… difficult. Hasn’t worn me down tho, I’m still in a good mood!

K, well, guess I should get back to work for a bit before I hit the sack.

OH WAIT!! I remember what I wrote about. It was how Tell Tale games now has Monkey Island in episodic adventures available online. I love Monkey Island. One of the only games I ever played on my computer. (That and Day of the Tentacle) Guybrush Threepwood was my favorite, and who can resist sarcastic swashbuckling adventure?? Surely not me!!

I’ve been watching Torchwood recently and I’ve come to find that one of my favorite things about the show is that the versions I have always have the voice over for BBC TV still on the tail end. So far, I’ve heard some of the most hilarious stuff on there, but this one caught my attention. “The Man Who Eats Badgers”.   WTH??

So of course I had to do a search and found out that indeed, this was a show on a man who picks up, and eats, roadkill. Mostly badgers, but he’s also eaten cats, dogs, rabbits, owls, fox and hedgehog. When asked about his wife, he mentions that she’s a vegetarian (go fig) and that she eats in her room. I think I’d be with her on this point. And before you get all funky on me.. I don’t like to eat much meat already. Cow, Bison, pig or chicken – the acceptable edible mammals- aren’t my favorite meals. I had often wondered if anyone could eat roadkill… mostly the deer you see on the road. (Assuming it was a fresh kill.) But it’s my understanding that there are laws against that in my state.

I tried to attend a birthday party this weekend, but instead was told that my daughter’s car had been hit and was in my front yard. Sadly, Miss Mossy will be taking the road to the dump for parting out here soon. Too bad, she was a good little car. My daughter was fine, but now she has to look for a new car!

I bought a new microwave today. After waiting almost a full year for some kind of  miracle that would fix my old machine, I gave in and bought a new one. I’m hoping it will work well, since it’s just the hubby and me for most meals. Defrosting will sure be easier…. dunno…. I’ll get back to you.

The work season has started and life is busy with paperwork and forms. Eww. I don’t miss that part at all, but I do miss the kids and the interaction with them.

I started the Dr. Who 2 scarf recently. I’m thinking it’ll take me another year to finish… just sayin…..

Today marks the one year anniversary of the death (hibernation?) of my friendship with my once best friend. It was one year ago today that he called me up, told me his girlfriend never wanted to speak to me again and sputtered over reasons when I asked why, saying it was me and the way I was. Somehow that morphed into he and I never speaking either. I was deleted from pages and cut off without so much as a thanks tons, but cya!

Here we are, one year later and his girlfriend and I are speaking regularly and are getting to know one another some. I’ve gotten over the hurt and confusion and the self flagellation, and realized that it’s probably not me that was ever the problem to begin with, but instead it was him, or a combination of the two. That said, it doesn’t mean that this event didn’t give me a reason to review a few things in my life.

Lesson 1: Do unto others…
Most of you should know this thought process and I’ve discussed it before, so there’s no reason to go into that here. No, what I’m talking about is on two levels. First, it was a reminder to me to never treat someone the way I was treated. Except in extreme circumstance, be available to talk to the other person and try to explain, thoroughly and calmly, the situation. Answer questions and let the person know that while my life might be changing, that doesn’t mean I don’t care about them, just that things are different. I have to understand and have the patience to stand by the person who stood by me all those times I needed them and remember their contributions to my life, even if our relationship was changing. People are not disposable. We don’t just toss them out when we are done with them.

Secondly, make sure you are treating your friend like a friend. I’m sure I wasn’t the best person at all times. I’m not perfect either. I feel like I tried to be what I could, but I’m sure I failed at times. I remind myself to make sure I treat my friends with the care and respect they deserve.

Lesson 2: Let it all out…..
For years I buried how I was feeling about things. Sometimes this would result in a rather cold demeanor, if you didn’t know me very well. I learned that it was ok to show some emotion now and then. People always say, “Let it all out….” but when you really do, when you really believe it when they say they want to know how you feel, they don’t always feel comfortable with what you show. I want to make sure I don’t shut people down when they are experiencing something and I want to make sure I don’t shut myself down either. I think there is a limit – like no smashing in windshields with sledgehammers- but a raised voice, a healthy cry or even confusion  and frustration are ok to have now and then. This helps you to work through what you are feeling and allows you to grow from experiencing those emotions.

Lesson 3 Forgiveness…but not forgetting.
I was recently contacted by my first boyfriend. We had been together for 3 years. Having my friend shut down on me affected my self worth. I wondered if I was really such a horrible person to have such a good friend just never speak to me as if I were nothing. I mean, I had to be a horrible person, right? Ok.. I’m a nut. I think it’s all my fault somehow, and I’m learning that aaaaaaaaaaaant, that’s wrong. Anyway, this ex of mine got a hold of me and wrote me a long letter letting me know how happy he was to find me, how happy he was that I was doing well and then he told me how much I had meant to him all those many years ago. That he still held me in a special place and told me what a great person I was. (I broke up with this guy!!?? How could he be saying such things…It wasn’t a pretty break up.) It was the best thing I could have heard right then and there. To know that someone I had hurt by breaking up with him, still cared how I was and still remembered me with deep fondness even after I had hurt him so was like a light bulb going off in my heart and head. THIS was the special person, not me. He was the person who was showing me that even tho someone can hurt someone very close to them, forgiveness and love were not just words to be tossed around lightly, but something that is capable of being done. I can’t thank this guy enough. He helped me understand so much with just one letter and I remembered why I had been with him all that time ago. Thanks, C.

So, tomorrow is the first day of year two and it is what it is. I decided to send a friend request to my old friend to see if maybe we could have a new and different friendship, but I haven’t heard anything yet. I may never hear anything. He always did avoid things he wasn’t the most comfortable with. Maybe he’s just not at the same point I am, and he may never be. As for me, I’m feeling good. I’ve learned some stuff about me, about people and about life. What more could someone ask for?